Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

"Jesus loves me, this I know..."

He's getting way too big to be curled up in my arms in this rocking chair, where we have sat every night since I brought him home from the hospital 3 years ago. Bath, pjs, books, song...every night (ok, almost every night on the bath- he is my third child!)

"For the Bible tells me so..."

She's already 7, nearly 8. When she was a baby I would sing her this song twice through every nap and every bedtime per her instructions. I remember calculating how many times I had sung the song in 1 year- 4 times a day, 28 times a week, 112 times a month, 1,456 times a year. We do crazy things for our kids!

"Little ones to Him belong..."

Don't let it become a habit, my husband said, worried that my daughter would not learn to sleep on her own as a baby. She was just such a snuggle bug! Now I crawl into her bed, because she's had a nightmare. Sleeping head to toe, she practically shoves her feet up my nose. But still I coo the song. Does that make you feel better love?

"They are weak but He is STRONG."

Every one of my children would emphasize the word STRONG when they sing it, making muscles and declaring it loudly.

My Bible study lesson today encouraged it's readers to sing the first song that came to mind in praise to God. I thought it was silly that Jesus Loves Me was the one that popped into my head, but sang it's sweet childlike words out loud. When I came to the words, "they are weak but He is strong" I caught my breathe. I am weak, but you are strong God. In all of this, we are weak, but you are strong!

I am so thankful today that God is where my hope and trust is. A few verses of the Bible seem quite appropriate for our current situation where schools, businesses, and entertainment are closed, childcare is hard to find, jobs are on the line, and a global pandemic has come to our backyard.

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields
and the cattle barns are empty.
Yet I will rejoice in the lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer able to tread upon the heights.
Habakkuk 3:17-19

Do you have that kind of hope? That when everything is in chaos, you can be thankful for your relationship with God who gives you strength and peace? That no matter what happens you can trust his plans are good because he is sovereign or in control of everything? He stands waiting for you. You just have to ask Him. Pray today. He will answer in love. Then you too will be able to declare that we are weak, but He is STRONG no matter what the weeks and months ahead look like!

The Broken Watermelon Bowl

I unwrapped it nearly 10 years ago. I wasn't thrilled by it's gaudiness when it first came into my possession. I even considered getting rid of the thing. But, it had a certain quirkiness to it that made it stick around, year after year, surviving many purging sprees and spring cleanings. IT was a large bowl, in the shape and color of a halved watermelon; IT was a wedding present; and IT had become a favorite of mine. I would ball watermelons and put the fruit in it, making it all the more adorable. IT had become the watermelon bowl.

On a HOT summer day, watermelon was just the ticket to cooling all of us down as we sat on the front stoop. My oldest had the right idea and brought the whole bowl out with several forks. After gobbling several mouthfuls, I began to poke around in the garden, pulling weeds. When I looked up she was coming towards me with the heavy bowl of watermelon. Before the words formed on my lips, the bowl slipped out of her fingers and onto the concrete sidewalk. I felt my shoulders pull up and my whole face scrunch up as if it happened in slow motion. Did I mention IT was ceramic? 

CRASH!!

I about near lost my mind. Oh child, what were you thinking? I loved that bowl! I got that FOR MY WEDDING! I wanted to cry, but she beat me to it and ran to me clutching my legs with apology after apology. In that moment, forgiveness did not come to me easily. I wanted to discipline, make myself feel better, honestly, seek revenge. I could have. I am the parent. And she did do something wrong after all. Instead, I held her long enough to make the choice of forgiveness. Today I would teach her (and myself!) a lesson about God's love.

Do you know he does not take even a moment to think about forgiving you when you ask? He doesn't hesitate, He does not contemplate.

"You know what?" I said. "No big deal. I did love IT, but IT is just a bowl. We'll get a new one. You're more important that a bowl dear." She cried, "I loved it too mama." Then it was like we lost something together, but gained the understanding that things are not as important as people.

It also made me think about God's perspective of us. What things does God value that we break? He desires that we live upright lives, following his commands, honoring his instructions. And yet we flub up. Sometimes by honest mistake, sometimes out of selfish stupidity, sometimes in outright disobedience. Do you know he does not take even a moment to think about forgiving you when you ask? He doesn't hesitate, He does not contemplate. He just forgives. Because he values us more than anything else (which is why he gives us commands and instructions in the first place- to help us live healthy and whole lives) 1 John 1:9 says that, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." He is good and fair and when we ask, he forgives.

Note: when we ask. Right before 1 John proclaims God's willingness to forgive, verse 8 says, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." Imagine a different watermelon bowl scenario. In the first, my daughter knew she did something amiss, she grieved what had happened almost as much as I did. But what if instead, she looked at the watermelon bowl, then looked at me and said, "I didn't drop it!" Or what if she ignored that it happened at all, stepped over the glass, and continued to play. Or worse yet, what if she delighted in the broken bowl, sitting down amongst the shards, gleefully playing with the pieces? What if she blamed me for her mistake, stating I should have never put the delicious watermelon in a ceramic bowl? Of course she was going to break it with those kinds of standards! 

That would all be ridiculous don't you think? Some would say, nonsense: "If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins-make a clean breast of them- he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out and out contradict God- make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God." (A different version of1 John 1:8-10; the Message.) Like the broken watermelon bowl, sin (the breaking of God's instructions) cannot be ignored. Something must be done with it. 

The renewed man acts upon new principles, by new rules, with new ends...

Someone must also clean it up. I wasn't about to make my 4 year old clean up sharp edged ceramic pieces (although I did steer her out of the mess since she was standing bare foot among the glass.)  Not only does God forgive our sins but he purifies us of the wrongdoing, he cleans us up. We are made new..."Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17) We talked once or twice about the bowl that night, because she brought it up and needed assurance that all was ok. But other than that, all was cleaned up, made new. I even bought another watermelon that day (couldn't find a bowl quite as fantastic though!) And hopefully Adelaide learned something about trapsing around with heavy filled ceramic watermelon bowls. Matthew Henry comments on 2 Corinthians, "The renewed man acts upon new principles, by new rules, with new ends...Though he is the same as a man, he is changed in character and conduct." When we receive forgiveness, we should learn our lesson too, turning from the sinful activity. 

In John 8 Jesus is approached by many men of the law who bring with them a woman caught cheating on her husband. These men had been trying to make a fool of Jesus since the day they met him and were also super bent on making people pay for their unrighteousness (mostly because they fancied themselves to be perfectly holy.) They reminded Jesus that the penalty for this sin was death by stoning and asked him his thoughts on the matter. Jesus' next move makes me laugh a little. As if bored by their queries, he bends down and starts playing in the dirt. As in: the dirt interests him more than these overly pious men. Then I hear him say very matter-of-factly, "Well, whoever is perfect should be one to throw the first stone." (My paraphrase.) Slowly they slink away until it's just Jesus and the woman. The following conversation ensues:

"Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 

"No one, Sir."

"Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and sin no more."

Don't ignore the broken watermelon bowl. Run to Jesus, wrap your arms around him and apologize. I guarantee he will not be slow to forgive. Then go and sin no more. 

The Purpose of Suffering

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Romans 5:3

Our son. 

He is, just, wow. 

With our first child, I thought I'd lose the special thing I had going with my husband. With our second child, I seriously wondered if I could love two as much as I loved our first. And with the third I worried how he might ruin the good thing we've got going because I would be spread so thin. Well, I was wrong. Every time. Honestly I never knew this much love for another person could fill me and I'm dumbfounded by how I love each member of my family more because we are five instead of four now. 

It is appropriate that he came in the spring. (The boy is going to have to have a sense of humor being born on April fools day.) It has been raining here for what feels like forever. But I can't complain too much because all I can think of as it pours is that what was dead through the fall and winter is at last about to come to life in greens, yellows, and purples. And alas as I stepped out of the hospital for the first time in 4 days last week, the grass was already more lush than I'd last seen it (my window overlooked a roof so...) We know that the seasons (at least the ones we experience in Iowa) are a beautiful picture that just as plants die so they can come to life, we also must at times experience suffering so that we may have abundant life in our relationship with Christ, in our character and in our relationships with others. 

A Closer Walk With Christ

My gift from God today was a fussy baby. Every diaper change, every nursing, every blood draw would incite hysteria and a long battle to sooth him back to a calm state. In one such moment, like many others I felt desperate, helpless to know how to calm this little one in my care. I'll try some music, I thought. As Loud Harp began to play, my heart began to pray...

"Surely you are good and my heart ran away.  Surely you are good and I was swept away." Oh Lord, my heart ran away from you this week. I have tried to control. I have yelled at you in anger. And I have sobbed, frustrated that you would continue to press me with trials. 

"But you brought me back into this place. You gave me water, you gave me drink. My flesh, my heart may fail, who will revive but you? You have been my strength, my refuge, who will revive but you?" Ugh, but you are good. There is so much good (my face touches Pierce's in a sweet soft snuggle) in the midst of everything we have gone through. 

"The nearness of you is my only good." God thank you for this trial for here is where I've drawn close to you in a way I could have never gotten through happy Bible studies and blissful prayer times. Thank you for my suffering, because closeness with you is the only good I have and that may mean I have to suffer in some ways too. 

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, become like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."(Phillippians 3:10) When we suffer we get a taste of what Jesus endured, but like Hebrews says, we have not suffered to the point of death like he has (although some of us might) so we ought to take heart and not give up. (Hebrews 3:10) Be encouraged that whatever you are going through, big or small, these trials bring you closer to your Savior, the goal for which we strive to attain. 

In those few moments as the song and my prayer ended, I realized the music had lulled my little one to sleep and my heart was drawn ever closer to my Great One. 

A Development of Character

We've discovered that this is actually a pattern for Pierce, music lulls him to sleep (and being talked to- I think he gets that from his father.) Of course this would be the case. He's been listening to chatter and singing for nine months because my girls do both nonstop, often at the same time, singing two different songs! When they aren't singing Mama turns the music up while cooking dinner, getting ready in the morning and in the car. One of Adelaide's favorite songs is "We are Brave" by Shawn McDonald. She and Mercy both call it, "Going through the fire." The first few lyrics? "We might bend or even break, the journey's long, but we will celebrate, when we get through the valley... When we go through the fire...it will be ok...we won't back down, 'cause we are brave!" They both know the words. I hope they stick with them, because life is full of fiery trials that require bravery. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance. Let perserverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) Moving, sickness, pregnant, financial hardship, even more pregnant, delivering a baby, a 10 day hospital stay with a sick baby...What's your story? What are you facing? I don't know about you, but considering some of things we go through as "pure joy" strikes me as impossible. But, it is through fire that gold is purified. 

Through the facing of trials, God melds us into something beautiful, someone who is braver and more whole. I don't suppose we will always like the process. Gold is refined at nearly 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit. If we could equivilate that to the trials we face, what would that look like? Some of you have felt fiery trials that hot! 

But if we can endure and not fight the process by being joyful at the prospect of it, it produces perserverance and perserverance creates character. Maybe courage? Maybe endurance? Maybe a gentler spirit? When we realize we've got the stuff to get through it (stuff God produces in us if we let Him) we have the attitude of hope. There is something good at the end of all this, I just know it!

I hear my girls singing:

"When we go through the fire...we won't back down, 'cause we are brave!"

A Witness

As humans, we all share the common bond of suffering but for believers our response should not be so common. Being a witness of Christ in times of suffering is where the rubber meets the road in our faith. 

The hospital is not always a hospitable environment. We had wonderful nurses and doctors who cared deeply about the health of dear Pierce. But a 10 day stay meant we saw and interacted with nearly 50 or more medical staff, ranging from students to doctors to management. It can be utterly confusing and frustrating to be passed among that many people in such a vulnerable state. There's different personalities, good and bad, and if one of them is having a bad day (understandable with their workloads and the variety of patients they have!) or you are having a bad day (I definitely cried miserably in front of a couple of them) it is a simmering pot for hurt feelings, frustration, and stress. I have a greater appreciation for those with chronically ill hospital bound children or are themselves struggling in hospitals with long term sickness. 

After a day or two of being a total grouch, I came to realize that there is a huge opportunity in this situation to be a witness of Christ's love to others. I had to get my attitude straight first. As I sat angrily looking out the hospital window (overlooking the roof) knowing my feelings were out of line, it was time to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) I returned to the "formula" I have been practicing for the last nine months: rejoice, thank, pray (Philippians 4:4). And things started to change. 

When our attitude is love and gratitude in the midst of trials it transforms those around you. People soften, and you become a safe zone for them to love without fear of hurt, and as a result you shine like a light in the darkness. Was I always joyful? No, but instead of anger, I mostly felt sadness as my emotion. I hated when my visit with family was over for the day, that we were apart. But I was kinder, not lashing out at anyone who stepped on my toes or delivered bad news. I had an opportunity or two to apologize to a nurse or doctor about my unruly emotions. I started to see those that frustrated me with compassion and tried to love instead of becoming offended. And some of those that did not seem "on my side" before came around with surprising kindness. Even my husband said how much he appreciated my attitude change and instead of being angry with each other, we enjoyed many sweet moments together with our baby boy this week. I think it's actually brought us closer. I can't quantify it now, but I hope my children also saw how Christ transformed mama's life this week and will serve them in their future relationship with him. The clincher for me seeing the good in submitting my heart and attitude to Christ is thinking about how many people would have been damaged had I not. Remember, we interacted with nearly 50 different medical staff, my family and anyone who was watching and praying for us as a result of social media (well over a hundred more people)! Phillippians 2:14-15 became came to life for me, "Do everything with complaining or arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining as bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people." I hope I was a bright light to one or two of those hundred plus people I know or met this week so that Christ can shine even brighter. 

Pierce's name

What does it mean you ask? How did we come up with a name like Pierce? Well, God has been weaving this thread into my life since I was a teenager when I decided I wanted to name one of my future children Pierce. (It was Xavier, but I ended up with a wonderful nephew named that before I even got engaged. I think God had that little detail worked out too.) When we got serious about picking a name, I found out Pierce was the English version of Peter, meaning the rock. Pretty cool we thought. I wanted our son to have a name meaning humbly walk with God since our girls are name after Micah 6:8 though: act justly (Adelaide Justice), love mercy (I think you get that one!) and walk humbly before your God. "The Rock" didn't seem to cut it. Last Spring when it was sunny and we were relishing in the cuteness of our first two, we decided to add another piece to this thing we've been creating. But we had no clue that before our sweet boy arrived and for a time after it, we would suffer. I kept coming back to a verse that says, 'Humble yourself under God's mighty hand and in due time, He will lift you up. Cast all your anxiety on him, for he cares for you.' Humility has become a life lesson for me this past year and required a humble walk with God. It wasn't until I heard that same scripture in church for like the thousandth time (God likes to repeat himself so you'll listen) that I realized that it was found in 1 PETER. Our sweet Pierce will forever remind us that it is in times of trials that we truly learn to walk humbly before our God, knowing in his deep love and care for us he plans to lift us up through a closer walk with Jesus, wholeness and maturity in our character and healthier God exalting relationships with others. And so concludes the lesson God started all those years ago...Maybe. 😉

Not Easily Offended

AHHH, football. Oh Steelers. Despite my Iowan residence, my Pittsburgh blood still bleeds black and gold. Somewhere in my upbringing in the vicinity of the City of Bridges, the Monongahela River has tainted me permanently to be a Steelers fan (Monongahela has to be a million dollar word; unlike Steeler nation loyalty, the spelling of it still eludes me.) Do I watch football? No. Only when the Steelers go to the Super Bowl. And only since college. So I think that puts my game watching total at 1 or maybe 2....I know I watched when they got "One for the thumb." Alas, I am not really a sports spectator at all. In fact, I'm not really a sports playing person either even though I tried tirelessly in high school to find my niche in Basketball, Track, Softball, and Soccer (I was mildly successful at boxing in college, but I'll save that for another post). I was the bane of my basketball coach's existence, showing up in rainbow colored, knee-high socks to practice. Let's just say that I had a lot of "fun" playing the game, with little to no interest in being the best on my team or even winning for that matter. I did try really hard at track, only to discover that my speed did not match up with my spirit. Softball was really just an extra PE class. But soccer, soccer is where I found my sweet spot. I was feisty (can you imagine?) and played on a coed team. I was basically a Trojan horse on defense: a petite girl, hair in braids and head in the clouds. The male forwards would come barreling down the field expecting to slip right past me. But I had I learned to tackle in basketball (like I said, bane of my coach's existence) and wasn't afraid. In fact, I was eager to come back at them with the force of a semi, catching them off guard and punting the ball all the way back to our forwards. If we "accidentally" collided then I (sometimes we) fell down. Never got carded.

Needless to say, I still wasn't made MVP. 

Difficulties in everyday relationships tend to be more complicated and sometimes show up in unexpected ways that catch us off our guard.

So I've played enough sports to be dangerous and also to learn about good sportsmanship and mostly what NOT to do when playing. What does it mean to have good sportsmanship? Not getting mad about the outcome of the game or the calls the referee makes, or at least keeping your temper private. Congratulating the other team on their win. Respecting your coaches and treating the fans of the other team well. Playing your role on the team with excellence and understanding there is no "I" in team. Good sportsmanship has everything to do with how you interact with others in a sports setting. 

Consider another million dollar word: metanarrative. This is the overall theme of the Bible and that theme is Redemption. Front to back, Genesis to the very very very end of the book of Revelation, we see God at work to redeem his relationship with the nation of Israel and all of humanity. If you have been in church, you've likely heard how Jesus was born, lived on earth and died so that we could have a relationship with God again. It is the pinnacle story of redemption. Then sprinkled generously on the pages of scripture is the secondary theme of relationships with others. If the Bible is a handbook on anything, it is one on relationships. Open up the scriptures to any place to see God at work in and through relationships and laying the foundations for healthy human interactions. God values relationships! The story of Adam and Eve alone testifies to this. God created man and then created woman because He said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18) And it wasn't because the man needed someone to wash his socks for him! (They were naked after all, there were no socks...). He himself spent time developing his relationship with the first man and woman as he walked in the garden (Gen. 3:8) and wanted them to make more people to be in relationship with (fill the earth, multiply, increase in number! Gen. 1:28).

Though not a perfect diagram for life, the implications drawn from being a good sport on the field or court are pretty helpful, even to non-sporty people like me. Difficulties in everyday relationships tend to be more complicated and sometimes show up in unexpected ways that catch us off our guard. So what does it take to be a good sport in the life our relationships?

It seems like the most heated of tensions in any game comes from the calls the ref makes. Nothing like a bad call to make your blood boil I suppose. In life we don't always get what we hope for, things don't go our way and we get angry, frustrated, or impatient with God. We ask why a lot when this happens. Why won't he answer this prayer? Why is this happening to me? Why ISN'T He intervening here? I would like to suggest that this is a relationship issue with the Almighty Ref.  When our attitude or behavior suggests that God does not know what He is doing we would do well to take the advice of Peter: "Humble yourselves, therefore under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7) Whether we like it or not God is sovereign (in control) over all of creation, including our lives. This means he makes the calls on what happens here on earth, but Peter suggests that we submit ourselves to those calls because He has a plan for good: "that he may lift you up in due time." Humbling ourselves under God's mighty hand means we can lean in on his goodness: "cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you." It also means when it comes to God, we need to know our place and trust that our Ref not only know's but does what is best for us, every time, remembering the words of Solomon, "Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and your are on earth, so let your words be few." (Ecclesiastes 5:2) 

"Knowing our place" with God is a freeing kind of thing when it comes to human relationships too. It's a little odd, but Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday (even when I was single!) So I can't write in February without sneaking a little romance into this sporty post:

      "Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

I bet the last time you heard that was at a wedding. It is one of the most popular scriptures read at weddings, and for this reason was not read at ours (never one to follow the crowd, Kyle was vehemently opposed!) I have read this several different ways now over the years. I've considered it in regards to romantic relationships, and as a checklist for my love for others. Now I'm pondering how it describes Gods love for us and it makes a difference in my love for others. If God is love as 1 John 4:8 tells us, then God is patient, kind, etc. toward me and all humanity. In this light, love is then a binding agent between us, God and others. But according to the definition above in 1 Corinthians, it's a pretty tall order.

I can't possibly treat it here fully. One particular verse has captivated my attention however. Different translations put it bluntly: "it is not easily angered"(NIV), "it is not irritable"(NLT), "is not easily provoked"(KJV), "nor does it blaze out in passionate anger"(WEY), and "it doesn't fly off the handle" (MSG). Driving down the road as someone cut off my harmless minivan filled with my sweet children, the translation I got from God was "not easily offended." I heard these words echo in my mind when I felt the impatient stare of someone at the grocery store (don't they see what I'm trying to accomplish with two octopus like children and a watermelon protruding from my mid-section???) I hear it again when I read something political on Facebook. And God whispers it gently when I'm performing the mundane (and also somehow miraculous) tasks of motherhood, unseen and unheralded. Does a ballpoint pen drawing on my beige ottoman easily provoke me? Do I blaze out in passionate anger at the political views of others? Do I become irritable every time someone does not act the way I would deem kind? Do I fly off the handle (and down the road) to give dirty stares or flashing fingers? In each situation I hear it, "Not easily offended. Love."

Consider a another million dollar word: metanarrative. This is the overall theme of the Bible and that theme is Redemption.

Then there's the Almighty Ref. Am I easily angered by the challenges God puts in my life? Do we even realize we're angry with God about the difficulties we've been handed today? I got to a real honest point with God just yesterday on this issue. Kyle was out of town for the 10th out of an 11 day trip. I'm 8 months into housing a human and I'm spent. My oldest child woke up with a stomach bug and my littlest was growing surly from lack of daddy time. Trying to plug through I went to take our kitchen garbage out and saw our van door open. Well that's silly I thought. I pressed the button to get it to close. Nothing. Hmmm. I'll just shut it manually. Done. Oh, my keys are still in the ignition? Yesterday must have been a doozy! I'll just turn the key over. Nothing. No, no, no, no, no, no! No God. Not today. Are you serious?! I wish my reaction was different, but I flopped my head on the passenger seat, yelled at God and then cried. (I try to make no bones on here that I AM NO SAINT.) I think God needed to teach me this last lesson before publishing. There is no need to get angry at God for 'bad calls' because He doesn't make them. 

As I calmed down, I thought through a plan, and then began to see God's hand in my day's mess, with quite some clarity I might say. I wanted to go to church that morning (though totally exhausted even upon waking.) The oldest said she was sick but I really didn't believe her belly ache was real. We got dressed but then she convinced me she really didn't feel good. I conceded. No church. I was pretty whooped too. Maybe we all needed less go, go, go today. What if I had pushed though? We would have gotten fully dressed, all bundled and packed up (no small feat I've described in past detail) just to find a dead car in the garage. It wasn't until after finding the car in its stationary state that my kiddo proved her sickness...ick. Had we not been grounded, that would've happened at church or in the car. And the day before, my tank was nearly empty and I just about past the gas station thinking I'd take care of it tomorrow. But I didn't. If I had, I would have had no gas to run the car after some friends of mine jumped it. I wish I could see all bad circumstances in the clarity of God's goodness and fairness. I've sang the worship song "You're a good good Father" about 10 times these past ten days. I again, wish my attitude was not quick offense at God for making such "terrible" calls, rather I wish I had trusted in his care as my good good Father.

Thankfully, He loves perfectly. He does not become offended easily by this frustrated mama. If God LOVES me (which He undoubtedly, absolutely does!) then, with a tremble on my lip and with my eyes sweating, I can take a big deep breath knowing He is not caught off guard by my unholiness. No need to fix myself (an impossible task) before I can be in relationship with Him. The beauty of a good ref is that the game runs smoother when the players begin to heed the justice and imitate the fairness of the referee. If I LOVE God I won't be as rattled when hard things come my way because I know he knows best. If I LOVE others I won't want to hurt them in return for their unkindness, or become quickly offended by their viewpoints. Don't think that all of this is a magical transformation. That somehow just by being a child of God makes you less inclined to become offended or to respond in that offense. I've often been told love is a choice. It's not a feeling, it's an action we choose to take. We have to choose to not become offended or at the start at least choose to hold our tongues, responding differently. But it is also true that in sitting and realizing the love God bestows on us, that he does not react out of offense at our actions, that our "want to" begins to change. Our emotional response will become calmer, is more compassionate, more loving. That is all a part of God's intentions for healthy human interactions. Imitating by choice the love we learn from God we join in in redeeming all of our relationships to what they were meant to be in the Garden of Eden. And in this way, redemption becomes our Monongahela....I mean, metanarrative. 😉

Time Is In His Hands (And other things I can't see)

For us, church starts at 10:45AM. We have finally convinced our children to stay in bed until 7AM (a great accomplishment since they used to wake anywhere between 4:30 and 6:30, much to their parents complete misery). I know some of my friends would still cringe at their current wake up time but honestly it's perfect really for getting out the door for church (which, again, starts at 10:45). It's enough time for both parents to get showered and dressed with allowance for 18 billion interruptions to quell arguments over who had that piece of paper first, help a child make several costume changes and give attention to a plethora of questions and impromptu musical performances. It's enough time for us to fight about eating breakfast, encourage the preschooler to remove a few accessories and convince the toddler that socks are a good idea when it's negative 5 outside. There are snacks to be made (to avoid meltdowns) and coats, hats, gloves, and scarves to don before we start loading in the van at 10. Yes, 10. No, it does not take 45 minutes to drive to our church. But there's the buckling of those safety contraptions in the car, the unbuckling (I swear we spend most of our lives messing around with those car seats...), de-robing after we get to our destination, dropping off at children's church with just enough time to find seats and watch the worship countdown on the screen (I have no idea why they only countdown from 30 seconds!) You know I'm not exaggerating here. In fact, some of you parents skipped reading most of that paragraph because you just would rather not relive it what has become such a common part of your life. (I didn't even enjoy writing it!)

What's worse is that that is a SMOOTH morning. I heard a parent one time say it took her 20 minutes to convince her child to get their shoes and socks on and 20 minutes before she lost her temper. I looked at her and said, 20 minutes?? I lose my temper after like, 5. Of course, any temper tantrum (theirs or yours) adds 15-20 minutes to the amount of time getting out the door (So one of those...and there, now you know why I'm late to church.) I hate to admit it, but I really like my children. Despite that, I do miss going somewhere and getting out the door in a reasonable amount of time. At their age, my children don't understand time (a type of bliss for them really). And though I understand that, I lose my patience frequently about how long they take and I get mad at God about the same thing.

It takes a lot for me to wrap my mind around God's view of time. He has, like my kids, a completely different perspective on the matter. Considering that he is the Alpha and Omega, a name scripture gives him in Revelation 1:8 and 21:6 he has a much bigger view of time. The Alpha and Omega are the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet. So when the Bible calls God this we interpret it to mean God is the beginning and end of all time. He was there when the world was created (Genesis 1:1) and will continue even after this earth is long gone (Revelation 21:1-3). And he is present throughout all the time in between. "The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good." Proverbs 15:3 says.

Whereas my children have no concept of time, God has a perfect and whole view of all of time. Both frustrate me because I'm somewhere in between running out of the stuff. I grow impatient and fearful, particularly when things start to go south and the burdens feel heavier than I think I can bear and my prayers seem to go unanswered for what feels like a long, well, time. 

Lately, that seems to be the case. We have recently made some big decisions to follow God that have caused us some burdens (and don't get me wrong, lots of joy too!!) The post Jesus My Captain will fill you in on the details, but suffice it to say that last year we decided to have a baby and then moved and changed jobs a few months later. A move meant selling our house. A new job meant a change in health insurance. A new baby meant a bigger car and more medical bills. And despite my hands being cracked from all the hand washing I do, I have been sick with Bronchitis, a sinus infection, a bacterial infection, and the stomach flu in succession since November. It's been a rough couple of months and the time when the house sells, and I can open the windows in the spring to get rid of germs seems far off. I'm sure many of us are itching for that warm spring sun by this point actually. 

As we pray, particularly for our house to sell, and much of our financial burden to be lifted, my husband peacefully recalled reading about God's provision recently when some professional fishermen went out fishing. All night they caught nothing. As the sun was just peeking over the horizon, Jesus called from the shore, "No fish last night? The fish are all on the right side of the boat. Throw your net there!" Out of desperation or complete faith, they did it and weren't even able to pull the net in because it was so full! They had to drag it behind the boat to the shore, where they sat and had breakfast with Jesus. That night though must have seemed so long! So long. A night where nothing happened, where their prayers didn't seem to yield anything. Yet how much more powerful must it have seemed when they caught the big load that only Jesus could see. 

He is faithful, though the burden may remain. 

I was thinking about another difficult time in our life when time was an issue and our burden felt great. We were trying to conceive our first child. It seemed like an easy process you know? *Insert winky face here. Truly we believed once we'd decided to have a baby it would be a month, maybe two before that little stick turned blue. But it didn't. I grew frustrated. We taught abstinence classes at public schools at the time and my heart would dim every time I heard of single 15 year old who had gotten pregnant. "Like, really God?" I would pray. A mentor of mine told me she waited 7 years for her first baby and prayed over me. I was encouraged by her resilience and faith in God (and secretly told Him there was no way I was strong enough for that). But my heart broke after a false positive and my best friend got pregnant (by surprise-no hard feelings now:-)). It seemed like we would never have a child. Now, that whole episode of my life lasted, are you ready for it? For 5 months. I look back on that and realize, without being too harsh on my younger self, that I was so naive on my view of time and slightly impatient. Thank goodness, my afore mentioned mentor was not impatient with me, as she had waited much, much longer. But my view of time and timing was and maybe still is askewed. But my faith and understanding is being stretched now when it comes to the topic.

Here's the thing. God is perfect. So any plans he makes for us are also perfect. And those plans include timing because if there is anyone with perfect timing we have already established that it is God. He does not make mistakes. Does his timing sometimes seem long to us? Yes. Do we carry burdens in the meantime? Yes. He gives us strength to carry the burdens though. And in this way, he provides. In this way, He is faithful, though the burden may remain. 

His timing is perfect because he can see what we can't. 2 Kings 6 recalls how Elisha the prophet made an enemy with the King of Aram (who was attacking the Israelites) by warning the King of Israel of places of ambush. Enraged, the Aramean King went after Elisha with a strong force of chariots and horses that surrounded the city in pursuit of the prophet. Elisha wasn't worried. Instead he said to his trembling servant, "Don't be afraid, those who are with us are more than those who are with them." Then he prayed that his servant could see what he could. And then the servant looked around and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire that surround Elisha. An unseen angelic army sent to protect God's child. We need not be afraid or worried just because we cannot see how God is at work. 

Have you ever waited while someone else prepared a meal for you? If you're used to doing the cooking this process can be excruciating. It seems like it takes forever! Pair this with delicious aromas that waft out of the kitchen or, if you're in a restaurant (that actually cooks its food from scratch) and you see other people get their food first, your stomach kind of takes over your brain right? You forget it actually takes time to prepare good food, you're hungry and all you want is food right now! (Thank goodness for dinner rolls.) In the meantime, the chef is running around hard at work on your behalf, even though you can't see it. 

Any good thing I receive in addition to that work of love I view as God's mercy. Does he really need to give me anything else?

Our prayers in the long waits may seem to go unanswered but we have to remember that we lack God's view of time and his scope of understanding. We cannot always see the hard work and the battle that is ensuing in the unseen realms on our behalf. What we can rest assured in, however, is his goodness and care for us. We have to believe that God is fighting for us even when we cannot see what he can and do not understand the timing of our situations. What God did to ensure our salvation through Jesus' death on the cross is the most profound work of love for us. The thoughts that follow that one are two-fold. First, if he loved me enough to that, then why wouldn't he fight for me in the smaller things? Secondly, any good thing I receive in addition to that work of love I view as God's mercy. Does he really need to give me anything else? Because any good thing above and beyond that begins to look like icing on the cake. 

So I pray, give me eyes to see how You are at work God in the waiting, when my view of time is askewed. In the meantime, let me trust in your goodness and let me thank you for mercies! 

Traditions

Aunt Billie's log cabin was tucked way back in the woods. It was snowing and I remember crossing train tracks and huge pines covered in the thick white stuff. Pulling up to her cozy home was like parking in front of one of those ceramic houses my mom collected. Inside, Uncle Bill sat in his cowboy hat watching his favorite western in a darkened room decorated with (used) spitoons and deer antlers. My brothers would play pool upstairs while I assessed how to get the candy out of the gum ball machine (that room was the best!) I would tromp out into the cold to visit the Persian cats my aunt bred in their shelter. Those squishy faced felines were a wonder to me. Afterward a Christmas dinner of turkey, little baby dill pickles and rolls (that's all I remember eating), my aunt offered to let us use the hot tub that sat on her back porch while the snow would fall around us. YES! Sadly, we didn't have our bathing suits. "No problem," said Aunt Billie, "you could just go in your birthday suits." Birthday suits? What was that? No one explained. We didn't go in. It's no wonder I never forgot all of that! Especially once I found out what a "birthday suit" was! There weren't a lot of presents from that visit. The intriguing finds and memories, in my mind, are Christmas perfection.

       

I love me some holidays, don't you? My Mom instilled a whole host of traditions in my holidays (not the least of them a visit to aunt Billie's). She was the best at filling those stockings with whole bags of Reese's, Candy Canes filled with M n'M's, and little wrapped presents until the socks sagged and threaten to pull the thumbtacks right out of the wooden piano! (We didn't have a mantle, but we had the oldest and most out of tune upright piano that we stuck our stockings to.) 

Other holidays were no exception. On Easter she would hide our filled baskets and the kids had to hunt for them (someone's was always in the dryer) before we donned our finest apparel to go to church where the pews were filled with pastels and warm sunshine streaming in the windows. A birthday didn't pass without a cake and presents, and every Valentine's Day I would come home from school to find a small red or pink stuffed animal and some other trinket sitting on my bed. 

Later she would instill some other traditions. On Thanksgiving, we would gang up with the homeless shelter downtown Pittsburgh and dish out turkey and mashed potatoes wherever they sent us. Once it was at a nursing home. Then one Christmas we passed out coat after coat on a frigid day to the homeless. She was teaching me something new here. A valuable lesson: holidays were not just about me. 

Let's consider the next couple months of holidays for a moment. You know, November is and was a lovely month. If we were reflective enough, our thoughts were given to thankfulness. Our minds and hearts were probably illuminated to the blessings around us, even if things were tough. We posted blessings and words of gratefulness. And then Christmas comes. Either it is a shot to the gut- confirming all that we do not have and we forget to be thankful immediately, or the lights, the commercials, the Pinterest pins slowly widdle away at us until we are left harried by all that is undone and imperfect in our lives. We become consumed by what to buy, what we might receive. Unraveled by all of this, we recollect ourselves to commit to perfection in the New Year and January is filled with a tremendous focus on self image. I am always floored by the contradiction of January to February, where all the health food and exercise is exchanged for decadent Valentine indulgences and junk food paired with football! Then March comes around and thank goodness, Lent, along with hopefully an early Easter, because we've got some serious repenting to do!

Does all of that seem too critical? Or maybe you appreciate the honest wide lens of American celebrations. Like I said, I love holidays. But, something tugs at my heart and many of my convictions about our purpose as believers to care for the poor and needy are confirmed yet again this Christmas season. This time with Nebuchadnezzar. Do you know this guy? He was the great king of Babylon and of indulgences. He lacked nothing. I'm not sure what holidays Babylonians celebrated but I'm guessing based on their commonalities with American culture (wealthy, thriving, lots of choices, educated and a overly superb sense of self) they enjoyed (or suffered) the holidays in the same bustling, perfected, and indulgent ways we do. King Neb likely did it up to the hilt. Daniel 2:37-38 has Daniel describing him in this way, "You, O King, are the king of kings. The God of heaven has given you dominion and power and might and glory; in your hands he has placed mankind and the beasts of the field and the birds of the air. Wherever they live, he has made you the ruler over them all."

He was also (like the rest of his culture) incredibly self centered. Imagine the CEO of your company builds a statue of gold of HIMSELF that is 90 feet tall, sets up a huge concert and when the music plays, you and everyone else in leadership positions are supposed to hit the ground and worship the statue. And here's the kicker, if you don't, you will be fired. Well that's what King Neb did, only instead of losing their jobs, those who did not bow down would be literally burnt in a fire, alive. Later he has this dream of a really big tree that gets cut down to a stump. Daniel interprets the dream and explains that Nebuchadnezzar is the tree that gets cut down; that he will be sent into the wilderness and go crazy for about 7 years until he acknowledges that God is sovereign and he himself is not the end all be all in life. Daniel's advice? "Renounce your sins by doing what is right, and your wickedness by being kind to the oppressed. It may be that then your prosperity will continue."  

There is a subtly in Daniel's advice that is not lost on me. He advised Neb to "do what is right" and be "kind to the oppressed." Reminds me of the Lord's requirements for mankind in Micah 6:8,  "to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." (Actually it also sounds like a blog I know!) Beth Moore said of Nebuchadnezzar in her study of Daniel that God must have a "profound offense at a person's willingness to sit contentedly in luxury without concern for the oppressed." And all I can think is how horrifying Christmas must be to God at times! Not the gift giving necessarily but the over-indulgence, the debt racked up on our behalf while the poor and oppressed exists. I'm terrified, sickened and convicted that He sees it all: the war torn country where life is taken, while the superfluous presents and decorations are purchased; those thankful for scraps of food that will allow them to survive, while we break our budgets to fill a table with food. I could go on, but honestly, it's too painfully convicting even for myself. It's enough for me to reject holidays altogether!

But, I've confessed already that I love Christmas, and Valentine's Day and Easter... And I get caught up in it all too.  Sometimes I worry (yes, worry) that I suck at Christmas. That I need to bake more cookies, buy more presents, host a bigger party and then I read something about airstrikes in Alleppo or the poverty in Haiti and my selfish spinning world comes to a screeching halt and everything is put into perspective. I realize cookies, shopping and decorations are not what I was meant for. And I have a choice to make. Pull the cover back over my head to continue to "sit contentedly in luxury without concern for the oppressed" whispering Babylon's motto to myself "I am and there is none but me" (Isaiah 47: 8) or reject the "magic" of it all and launch headlong toward God's real purpose for my life,"to loose the chains of injustice" "to set the oppressed free" "to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him." (Isaiah 58:6-7)

Unfortunately, King Neb pulled the covers over his head and foolishly declares as he stands on the roof of his palace "Is not this the great Babylon I have built as the Royal residence, by my mighty power and for the glory of my majesty?" (Daniel 4:30) He chooses wrongly, focusing only on his self importance, and scripture says at that very moment, the dream came to pass and King Neb lost his mind and roamed out into the wildnerness. A focus on self and a forgetfulness of the poor is not sin God takes lightly. And it is one that we ought to be talking about a whole lot more as believers than some of the more popular ones we like to harp on (ones most of us find easily avoidable.)

There is a lot of good that happens this time of the year, I'll admit. Toy drives for little ones who don't have anything, family gatherings where birthday suits are discussed, presents bought from NGO's that provide income in developing countries, turkey and mashed potatoes dished out to the homeless... But be careful, oh so careful, that Christmas cheer does not zap your ability to read about, pray for and act on behalf of those who aren't celebrating like you are. Don't lose your purpose amidst the traditions. And if you are already kind and generous to those who have not during this season may you continue (like being grateful) to pursue that in January, shirking the need to lose 10 pounds (eat less and send the money you save to Haiti), and in February, loving others (and not just with chocolates), and during Lent in March, fast in the way it is commanded in Isaiah 58, spending yourself on behalf of the hungry and afflicted, and make it a tradition that takes priority over them all, all year long! 

A Childhood Of Thanks

                      

  

"Mama, I'm grumpy! It's a bad day," my three year old girl says sadly. I reel at this as I think back over the day we've had. Was it really that bad? Her Dad made both of our kids pancakes for breakfast, at her request. (We had to fight them to eat them, but that's normal.) We chose not to fight about outfit choices (she walked out the door with a pink top, zebra striped fleece pants AND a black and white striped skirt, accessorized by sparkly shoes and a barrage of necklaces, bracelets and hair clips). She played at the YMCA, and we did some grocery shopping (where she got to use one of those mini shopping carts) and then we had a picnic lunch of PB and Jelly on our deck because it was warm and sunny. Later, we strolled over to the park to swing, slide and spin and came home to play dolls. It felt like a joyful rendition of "If You Give a Pig a Pancake"  where we left fun (and a mess) in our tracks wherever we went! But at the end of the day, tiredness and grumpiness along with bad behavior set in and we had to deal out discipline. Thus ensued much wailing and gnashing of teeth! Once settled and in bed, the little miss was talking with me, and all she could think about was her punishment, which ruined the day completely I guess.

Isn't that just like an adult? All the blessings we have and we're so unhappy sometimes! Even this morning I sit in a coffee shop, writing. Getting time to yourself is a treat by any mom standard! My husband graciously gives me a couple hours "off" each week to go away, pursue my passion and sip coffee. Fantastic, right? But this morning, I argued with said husband over the bad behavior of one of our children, leaving me a little more than emotionally drained to write my book about raising kids in a Godly manner (talk about demotivating!) Then, my coffee tasted cold and weak and to top it off, my keyboard wouldn't work. What a bad day! Or what an amazing day to practice what I'm about to preach to you.

With Halloween out of the picture, Thanksgiving is upon us. I've made a habit of trying to think of at least one thing I'm thankful for each day in the month of November. (I figure if there's a time to be thankful, it's definitely near "Thanksgiving!") But let me tell ya, it is a discipline by all means! Despite all the good in my days, something always comes around to steal my joy. I often focus so heavily on those things instead of the good. And you know who's watching me do that? My children. If we don't want our children to turn into entitled, and ungrateful you know what's, we ourselves we'll need to start practicing Thanksgiving all year round. 

A Prescription For Joy

I chuckle that as soon as Thanksgiving day ends (and now even before it) one of the most overwhelming holidays on the planet begins. Christmas, with all of its lights, shopping, wrapping, dinner planning and family disfunction and loneliness and financial burden comes blazing in like a meteor each November. The celebration of the peaceful coming of our Lord Jesus has become one of the least peaceful times of the year. But scripture tells us that in prayer over our worries and the practice of thankfulness we will receive "God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. HIS peace will guard our hearts and minds as we live in Jesus Christ." (Phillipians 4:6, NLT) But this is not only for Christmas time, it is for all time! We are told to "Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS." (Phillipians 4:4) And to focus on the good. The Message version of verses 8 and 9 is a beautiful rendition, so let me quote it directly:

     Summing it up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true,     

     noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, GRACIOUS [emphasis mine]- the best, not the worst; the  

     beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from   

     me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, 

     will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

In an upcoming season of stress with no ceiling, at all times we would do well to focus on graciousness, "the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse." This, I admit, feels like some hippie dippy, head in the sand way to avoid reality. But friends, this is from scripture. I'm not making junk up. The Bible tells us to think positively (kind of half glass full type of thing) and thank God for those wonderful things around us! It tells us, not to live in ignorance, but not to focus on the ugly, worst things. 

We also see the author of Phillipians, Paul, leading by example by saying "put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard, and saw and realized." These were Paul's spiritual children he was speaking to, but what if our own children heard and saw and realized our lives of thankfulness, especially when life was not going our way? When life was really stressful? No more 'do as I say and not as I do' stuff. No, do as I do children. Because they will anyway. 

The Destruction of An Ungrateful Heart

And what's the worse that will happen if we focus on all the bad, and grow ungratefulness in the hearts of our kids? You will likely have issues with entitlement, that attitude that says they deserve to get whatever they want. It will also likely breed bad behavior (when they don't get what they want, they act out), incapacity to handle life's hardships (lack of thankfulness=no peace=no joy) and the results can be straight destructive. 

Consider a character from a Bible store that many of us would never strive to be like. The story of Esther is an incredible one of heroism and courage in the midst of an attempted genocide. She saves thousands of Israelites by putting her life on the line. But for now let's focus on the bad guy, Haman. In the story, Hamen is a blatant racist, with a particular hatred for Jews and seeks to eliminate them through genocide. A horrible man. But have you ever taken not of his other sin? Given the position of "most powerful official in the empire" (Esther 3:1), Haman had control of much of the kingdom, was the king's right hand man, commanding all to bow to him. He was given a beautiful estate, second only to the king's. Had a wife (not of great character we see in the story, but loyal nonetheless), friends and a plethora of wealth and power. But when one little Mordecai (a Jewish official in the palace) would not bow to him because of his religious beliefs, he was thrown into a tizzy of wrath and prejudice. Did he focus on all the blessings he had been given? Nope. Was all that he had been given not enough? Apparently not, because He huffed and puffed, building gallows in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep over it to kill Mordecai and became so infuriated that he devised a plan to murder every Jew in the kingdom because Mordecai was a Jew. I know how serious this plot of genocide is, but I cannot help but think "What an ungrateful baby!" 

Thankfully, Esther was not a baby. An orphan since childhood raised by her male cousin, then torn away from him to be tossed into the sickening beauty pageant of King Xerxes, possibly only to be passed over and left in his Harem for the rest of her life, she did not squawk a complaint! What if she was in love before forced into this world of the king's pleasure? What about her friends who may have been contending for the king's attention too? What about her family who she might never see again or her religion which would be very hard to maintain in such a palace? Did she balk at her situation? No. What was the result of these two who could not be more different? Esther became Queen, won the favor of the most important man in the kingdom and saved an entire people group. 

Haman was eventually hung on the gallows he built. (Read the story of Esther in the Bible for all the deets!)

And isn't that just the same with our attitudes about things? We lay in the bed we make so to speak. Focus on the worst and you may find yourself hung on a life of bitterness. Lift your voice in thankfulness to God and you will live on in Him, peaceful beyond understanding. The attitude we choose, will also be the one reflected in our children. Consequently, the life that results will be the same kind of life that results in them. 

I'd like to write a letter to my future adult children to read. It would have a lot of advice like: embrace life, take every opportunity to enjoy it, have standards for the people you date and eventually marry, but don't expect them to be perfect because no one is.  And most importantly: learn the delicate art of wiping. Because, someday you'll likely be a parent and that's all you do is wipe. Wipe hands. Wipe noses. Wipe bums. Wipe tables and a variety of other surfaces. There are different wipes for each surface too. Clorox wipes, cloth wipes, tissues, toilet paper, and well, wipes. I'd like to think by writing this letter, I am preparing a smooth path for them for life. But let's be honest, life does not give us a smooth path no matter how much we prepare our children. We must give them something practical that will carry them through. And it's not a directory inventorying wipes and their corresponding uses. It's thankfulness. To be thankful is to put things into perspective and correct our attitude towards God who gives such good gifts. To be thankful is to weather life's major difficulties and minor frustrations. To be thankful is to be at peace and live in joy that will continue for generations to come. May the season of Thanksgiving reign in your lives all year round!