A Childhood Of Thanks

                      

  

"Mama, I'm grumpy! It's a bad day," my three year old girl says sadly. I reel at this as I think back over the day we've had. Was it really that bad? Her Dad made both of our kids pancakes for breakfast, at her request. (We had to fight them to eat them, but that's normal.) We chose not to fight about outfit choices (she walked out the door with a pink top, zebra striped fleece pants AND a black and white striped skirt, accessorized by sparkly shoes and a barrage of necklaces, bracelets and hair clips). She played at the YMCA, and we did some grocery shopping (where she got to use one of those mini shopping carts) and then we had a picnic lunch of PB and Jelly on our deck because it was warm and sunny. Later, we strolled over to the park to swing, slide and spin and came home to play dolls. It felt like a joyful rendition of "If You Give a Pig a Pancake"  where we left fun (and a mess) in our tracks wherever we went! But at the end of the day, tiredness and grumpiness along with bad behavior set in and we had to deal out discipline. Thus ensued much wailing and gnashing of teeth! Once settled and in bed, the little miss was talking with me, and all she could think about was her punishment, which ruined the day completely I guess.

Isn't that just like an adult? All the blessings we have and we're so unhappy sometimes! Even this morning I sit in a coffee shop, writing. Getting time to yourself is a treat by any mom standard! My husband graciously gives me a couple hours "off" each week to go away, pursue my passion and sip coffee. Fantastic, right? But this morning, I argued with said husband over the bad behavior of one of our children, leaving me a little more than emotionally drained to write my book about raising kids in a Godly manner (talk about demotivating!) Then, my coffee tasted cold and weak and to top it off, my keyboard wouldn't work. What a bad day! Or what an amazing day to practice what I'm about to preach to you.

With Halloween out of the picture, Thanksgiving is upon us. I've made a habit of trying to think of at least one thing I'm thankful for each day in the month of November. (I figure if there's a time to be thankful, it's definitely near "Thanksgiving!") But let me tell ya, it is a discipline by all means! Despite all the good in my days, something always comes around to steal my joy. I often focus so heavily on those things instead of the good. And you know who's watching me do that? My children. If we don't want our children to turn into entitled, and ungrateful you know what's, we ourselves we'll need to start practicing Thanksgiving all year round. 

A Prescription For Joy

I chuckle that as soon as Thanksgiving day ends (and now even before it) one of the most overwhelming holidays on the planet begins. Christmas, with all of its lights, shopping, wrapping, dinner planning and family disfunction and loneliness and financial burden comes blazing in like a meteor each November. The celebration of the peaceful coming of our Lord Jesus has become one of the least peaceful times of the year. But scripture tells us that in prayer over our worries and the practice of thankfulness we will receive "God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. HIS peace will guard our hearts and minds as we live in Jesus Christ." (Phillipians 4:6, NLT) But this is not only for Christmas time, it is for all time! We are told to "Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS." (Phillipians 4:4) And to focus on the good. The Message version of verses 8 and 9 is a beautiful rendition, so let me quote it directly:

     Summing it up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true,     

     noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, GRACIOUS [emphasis mine]- the best, not the worst; the  

     beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from   

     me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, 

     will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

In an upcoming season of stress with no ceiling, at all times we would do well to focus on graciousness, "the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse." This, I admit, feels like some hippie dippy, head in the sand way to avoid reality. But friends, this is from scripture. I'm not making junk up. The Bible tells us to think positively (kind of half glass full type of thing) and thank God for those wonderful things around us! It tells us, not to live in ignorance, but not to focus on the ugly, worst things. 

We also see the author of Phillipians, Paul, leading by example by saying "put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard, and saw and realized." These were Paul's spiritual children he was speaking to, but what if our own children heard and saw and realized our lives of thankfulness, especially when life was not going our way? When life was really stressful? No more 'do as I say and not as I do' stuff. No, do as I do children. Because they will anyway. 

The Destruction of An Ungrateful Heart

And what's the worse that will happen if we focus on all the bad, and grow ungratefulness in the hearts of our kids? You will likely have issues with entitlement, that attitude that says they deserve to get whatever they want. It will also likely breed bad behavior (when they don't get what they want, they act out), incapacity to handle life's hardships (lack of thankfulness=no peace=no joy) and the results can be straight destructive. 

Consider a character from a Bible store that many of us would never strive to be like. The story of Esther is an incredible one of heroism and courage in the midst of an attempted genocide. She saves thousands of Israelites by putting her life on the line. But for now let's focus on the bad guy, Haman. In the story, Hamen is a blatant racist, with a particular hatred for Jews and seeks to eliminate them through genocide. A horrible man. But have you ever taken not of his other sin? Given the position of "most powerful official in the empire" (Esther 3:1), Haman had control of much of the kingdom, was the king's right hand man, commanding all to bow to him. He was given a beautiful estate, second only to the king's. Had a wife (not of great character we see in the story, but loyal nonetheless), friends and a plethora of wealth and power. But when one little Mordecai (a Jewish official in the palace) would not bow to him because of his religious beliefs, he was thrown into a tizzy of wrath and prejudice. Did he focus on all the blessings he had been given? Nope. Was all that he had been given not enough? Apparently not, because He huffed and puffed, building gallows in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep over it to kill Mordecai and became so infuriated that he devised a plan to murder every Jew in the kingdom because Mordecai was a Jew. I know how serious this plot of genocide is, but I cannot help but think "What an ungrateful baby!" 

Thankfully, Esther was not a baby. An orphan since childhood raised by her male cousin, then torn away from him to be tossed into the sickening beauty pageant of King Xerxes, possibly only to be passed over and left in his Harem for the rest of her life, she did not squawk a complaint! What if she was in love before forced into this world of the king's pleasure? What about her friends who may have been contending for the king's attention too? What about her family who she might never see again or her religion which would be very hard to maintain in such a palace? Did she balk at her situation? No. What was the result of these two who could not be more different? Esther became Queen, won the favor of the most important man in the kingdom and saved an entire people group. 

Haman was eventually hung on the gallows he built. (Read the story of Esther in the Bible for all the deets!)

And isn't that just the same with our attitudes about things? We lay in the bed we make so to speak. Focus on the worst and you may find yourself hung on a life of bitterness. Lift your voice in thankfulness to God and you will live on in Him, peaceful beyond understanding. The attitude we choose, will also be the one reflected in our children. Consequently, the life that results will be the same kind of life that results in them. 

I'd like to write a letter to my future adult children to read. It would have a lot of advice like: embrace life, take every opportunity to enjoy it, have standards for the people you date and eventually marry, but don't expect them to be perfect because no one is.  And most importantly: learn the delicate art of wiping. Because, someday you'll likely be a parent and that's all you do is wipe. Wipe hands. Wipe noses. Wipe bums. Wipe tables and a variety of other surfaces. There are different wipes for each surface too. Clorox wipes, cloth wipes, tissues, toilet paper, and well, wipes. I'd like to think by writing this letter, I am preparing a smooth path for them for life. But let's be honest, life does not give us a smooth path no matter how much we prepare our children. We must give them something practical that will carry them through. And it's not a directory inventorying wipes and their corresponding uses. It's thankfulness. To be thankful is to put things into perspective and correct our attitude towards God who gives such good gifts. To be thankful is to weather life's major difficulties and minor frustrations. To be thankful is to be at peace and live in joy that will continue for generations to come. May the season of Thanksgiving reign in your lives all year round!

Jesus My Captain

How do you make decisions about your future? Rock, paper, scissors seems to work well in our house, especially when it comes to parenting. Kyle and I were busy making our lunches one afternoon when Adelaide cried out, "The doggie went poopy and needs help wiping!" (Now, if you know us, we don't have a dog, so we clearly interpreted the preschooler's imagination to mean that her little sister needed assistance in the bathroom.) Being the responsible parents that we are, the two of us bantered about who got this job since I was about to take a bite out of my sandwich. We went to our usual go to tie-breaker: Rock, paper, scissors. (Keep in mind this is all happening quite quickly as the two year old is sitting on the pot.) In a rushed tone Kyle squawks, "Best of three or winner takes all??" At this moment, Mercy emerges bum naked from the bathroom. "ONE!" We both exclaim. While we proceed, the little one takes a bolting lap around our kitchen, and living room before I lose and then run to chase the giggling bare bottomed toddler. 

Rock, paper, scissors is a great way to ensure laughter and excitement overwhelm the "blahs" of parenthood. But obviously it doesn't make the cut for the tricky question of how to determine God's will for your life and future. Many of you know by now that our family is relocating to a new city in Iowa where Kyle will be working as a Youth Pastor at Christ Community Church in Ames. We are also expecting our third child in March/April (Due date is March 30th but let's be real, it's probably going to be like April 10th with my track record!) These are two things we did not have even an inkling of at the beginning of this year. And though the baby was not planned, it was an obedient choice (which I'll explain the weirdness of that statement soon.) So how did we come to decide on moving and having another kid? We believe it is what the Lord is asking us to do. Ready to find out how we came to that decision? (No, it's not rock, paper, scissors!)

Well let's start with this baby shall we? It's a vulnerable subject but I think the fact that I'm ready to publish it on this blog shows the kind of healing I've experienced this year. I have not hid the fact that 1. I HATE being pregnant and 2. That we were NOT going to have a third child. The reason for this is because I have experienced emotional turmoil with pregnancy due to hormone changes in my body that we liken to many physical complications that often keep couples from having more children. Many know about post-partum depression and baby blues, but from the research I've found, what I experienced is dubbed as perinatal anxiety mood disorder. (Boy, that is scary to admit! But I know I'm not the only one, so I am going to figuratively shout it from the rooftops if this helps someone else!) You can look it up, but think depression, anxiety, and anger on top of normal pregnancy junk. It's not fun. And it makes itself known in pregnancy and then up to 2 years after you give birth. YAY! (Sarcasm)

So having a third just seemed out of the question. Until about February of this year, I attended a women's conference, where I led worship. And while I was singing and throughout the whole conference, I would feel a gentle tug at my heart for a third baby (something I had obviously let go of awhile ago.) Pushing it aside, I would hear that same cry as I spent time in prayer over the next couple weeks (not necessarily praying about that topic at all at that time-I was actually praying about the emotional issues I was experiencing.) I began wondering if God was speaking and not just my emotions. So then I did begin talking to Him about it. As I prayed, I told God he was going to have to convince Kyle's. It was May before I brought it up. To my utter surprise he enthusiastically said yes (which is a miracle if you understood what my prego emotions had put him through!) Still, I knew saying yes to God meant taking on a burden I wasn't sure I was prepared to handle. My moods and anxiety were so bad with the other pregnancies that I knew I would have to trust God for every moment and detail of those 9 months (ok, 10 really. No, more like next 3 years!) A choice of obedience and trust, but definitely not planned. 

3 days before we found out I was pregnant, Kyle got a call from Ames with a request that we consider a position he had not applied for. We weren't looking to move or change in place of ministry. I'm not going to lie. My heart screamed, "No! Absolutely not." I was not ready to leave my friends and the comfort of a home we seemed to have just settled into and made "ours."  To leave what felt like unfinished ministry. (Even though, realistically, ministry doesn't really have an end until the coming of Christ, right?) 

But you know, I like control. I'm a control freak. With Jesus that is something I've decided I have to give up. I talk about being on God's great adventure. And there are thrills and excitement and goodness to it. But doing hard things and making Godly choices seem to go hand in hand. Going where God calls us even when it's not convenient, comfortable or sometimes even reasonable is difficult. Yet like all adventure, there is risk and there is sacrifice. You don't climb Mount Everest without the understood possibility of death at worst, or it taking a lot of time at best. 

In Matthew 10, Jesus tells the disciples to go to the cities of Israel preaching repentance. Jesus is no bones about that fact that it will be difficult, encouraging them to be "shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves" because "All men will hate you" and "they will hand you over to the local councils and flog you." (1) Later He says,"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (2) One of my more shallow reasons for not wanting to leave was because I love our home. God spoke to my heart through scripture about this saying "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy...But store up up for yourselves treasures in heaven...For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (3) I also worried tremendously about the financial struggle having a baby AND moving would cause us. Then I looked upon the framed painted scripture (I made in Bible camp as a child) that hangs on my daughter's wall: "Seek first HIS kingdom and HIS righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (For God knows you need these things...)" (4) When God calls us to do something, it doesn't guarantee ease of passage. But we are guaranteed his care and provision for us when our priority is his mission and not our own desires. And any struggle I experience is no where near as great as what good things come as a result of obedience to Jesus. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (5)

When we began this process of discerning God's will we prayed, listened and sought the counsel of mature believers and fellow ministers. But in the end, the truth of scripture was our standard for determining the wisest decision. Relying on emotions, others or even our own intellect and common sense alone to determine the will of God is dangerous. All should measured against the words of the Bible. Being obedient to God's will is nearly as difficult discerning it. And control over our lives is hard to let go of...

I'll finish with a story. There was a farmer who bought a plot of land and planted his crops. Then he rented the farm to some tenants who would care for it while he was away on a trip. When the harvest came he sent some workers to collect his grain. But the tenants treated the workers terribly, even killing one of them! This time the farmer sent police to the farm, but the tenants were brutal with them too. Finally, the farmer sent his son, who knew the tenants well, thinking, surely they would respect him? But the tenants thought, "let's get rid of of him too because he might come someday and take over the farm. Then what would we have?" So they killed him too. You can imagine the anger of the owner and what he will do when he returns, right?? (Adapted from the parable of the tenants in Matthew 21:33-45). The tenants, though not the owners of the farm, began to assume THEY ought to be in control. They wanted all of the authority though they did not own the farm at all. They were simply tenants doing the work of the owner who bought them at a price! 

Wanting to control our lives is a sneaky sin. We are not our own. We were lovingly bought at a price. God alone should be the authority of our lives. The ultimate Rock, Paper, Scissors if you will. Through prayer, scripture and the affirmation of other believers we determine the will of God. But make no mistake, determining it is only half the battle. Obedience is not always easy either. And though it genuinely hurts to say good-bye, to feel unfinished in a place, to choose the sacrifice entailed in a third child we open our hands to release control and follow Jesus wherever he leads, not out of fear, but for love of the Savior that sacrificed all for us. 

Through waters uncharted, 

My soul will embark,

I'll follow your voice straight into the dark.

And if from the course you intend I depart,

Speak to the sails in my wondering heart.

Like the wind you guide,

Clear the skies before me

And I'll glide this open sea.

Like the stars your word 

Will align my voyage

And remind me where I've been 

And where I am going. 

Lost in the shadows,

Amidst fear and fog,

Your truth is a compass that points me back North.

Jesus my captain,

My soul's trust Lord,

All my allegiance is rightfully yours. 

- Benjamin Hastings, Seth Simmons of Hillsong

"In his heart a man plans his course,

But the Lord determines his steps."

Psalm 16:9

(1) Matthew 10:16, 22, and 17

(2) Matthew 10:39

(3) Matthew 6:19

(4) Matthew 6:32-33

(5) 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18