AHHH, football. Oh Steelers. Despite my Iowan residence, my Pittsburgh blood still bleeds black and gold. Somewhere in my upbringing in the vicinity of the City of Bridges, the Monongahela River has tainted me permanently to be a Steelers fan (Monongahela has to be a million dollar word; unlike Steeler nation loyalty, the spelling of it still eludes me.) Do I watch football? No. Only when the Steelers go to the Super Bowl. And only since college. So I think that puts my game watching total at 1 or maybe 2....I know I watched when they got "One for the thumb." Alas, I am not really a sports spectator at all. In fact, I'm not really a sports playing person either even though I tried tirelessly in high school to find my niche in Basketball, Track, Softball, and Soccer (I was mildly successful at boxing in college, but I'll save that for another post). I was the bane of my basketball coach's existence, showing up in rainbow colored, knee-high socks to practice. Let's just say that I had a lot of "fun" playing the game, with little to no interest in being the best on my team or even winning for that matter. I did try really hard at track, only to discover that my speed did not match up with my spirit. Softball was really just an extra PE class. But soccer, soccer is where I found my sweet spot. I was feisty (can you imagine?) and played on a coed team. I was basically a Trojan horse on defense: a petite girl, hair in braids and head in the clouds. The male forwards would come barreling down the field expecting to slip right past me. But I had I learned to tackle in basketball (like I said, bane of my coach's existence) and wasn't afraid. In fact, I was eager to come back at them with the force of a semi, catching them off guard and punting the ball all the way back to our forwards. If we "accidentally" collided then I (sometimes we) fell down. Never got carded.
Needless to say, I still wasn't made MVP.
Difficulties in everyday relationships tend to be more complicated and sometimes show up in unexpected ways that catch us off our guard.
So I've played enough sports to be dangerous and also to learn about good sportsmanship and mostly what NOT to do when playing. What does it mean to have good sportsmanship? Not getting mad about the outcome of the game or the calls the referee makes, or at least keeping your temper private. Congratulating the other team on their win. Respecting your coaches and treating the fans of the other team well. Playing your role on the team with excellence and understanding there is no "I" in team. Good sportsmanship has everything to do with how you interact with others in a sports setting.
Consider another million dollar word: metanarrative. This is the overall theme of the Bible and that theme is Redemption. Front to back, Genesis to the very very very end of the book of Revelation, we see God at work to redeem his relationship with the nation of Israel and all of humanity. If you have been in church, you've likely heard how Jesus was born, lived on earth and died so that we could have a relationship with God again. It is the pinnacle story of redemption. Then sprinkled generously on the pages of scripture is the secondary theme of relationships with others. If the Bible is a handbook on anything, it is one on relationships. Open up the scriptures to any place to see God at work in and through relationships and laying the foundations for healthy human interactions. God values relationships! The story of Adam and Eve alone testifies to this. God created man and then created woman because He said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18) And it wasn't because the man needed someone to wash his socks for him! (They were naked after all, there were no socks...). He himself spent time developing his relationship with the first man and woman as he walked in the garden (Gen. 3:8) and wanted them to make more people to be in relationship with (fill the earth, multiply, increase in number! Gen. 1:28).
Though not a perfect diagram for life, the implications drawn from being a good sport on the field or court are pretty helpful, even to non-sporty people like me. Difficulties in everyday relationships tend to be more complicated and sometimes show up in unexpected ways that catch us off our guard. So what does it take to be a good sport in the life our relationships?
It seems like the most heated of tensions in any game comes from the calls the ref makes. Nothing like a bad call to make your blood boil I suppose. In life we don't always get what we hope for, things don't go our way and we get angry, frustrated, or impatient with God. We ask why a lot when this happens. Why won't he answer this prayer? Why is this happening to me? Why ISN'T He intervening here? I would like to suggest that this is a relationship issue with the Almighty Ref. When our attitude or behavior suggests that God does not know what He is doing we would do well to take the advice of Peter: "Humble yourselves, therefore under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7) Whether we like it or not God is sovereign (in control) over all of creation, including our lives. This means he makes the calls on what happens here on earth, but Peter suggests that we submit ourselves to those calls because He has a plan for good: "that he may lift you up in due time." Humbling ourselves under God's mighty hand means we can lean in on his goodness: "cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you." It also means when it comes to God, we need to know our place and trust that our Ref not only know's but does what is best for us, every time, remembering the words of Solomon, "Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and your are on earth, so let your words be few." (Ecclesiastes 5:2)
"Knowing our place" with God is a freeing kind of thing when it comes to human relationships too. It's a little odd, but Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday (even when I was single!) So I can't write in February without sneaking a little romance into this sporty post:
"Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
I bet the last time you heard that was at a wedding. It is one of the most popular scriptures read at weddings, and for this reason was not read at ours (never one to follow the crowd, Kyle was vehemently opposed!) I have read this several different ways now over the years. I've considered it in regards to romantic relationships, and as a checklist for my love for others. Now I'm pondering how it describes Gods love for us and it makes a difference in my love for others. If God is love as 1 John 4:8 tells us, then God is patient, kind, etc. toward me and all humanity. In this light, love is then a binding agent between us, God and others. But according to the definition above in 1 Corinthians, it's a pretty tall order.
I can't possibly treat it here fully. One particular verse has captivated my attention however. Different translations put it bluntly: "it is not easily angered"(NIV), "it is not irritable"(NLT), "is not easily provoked"(KJV), "nor does it blaze out in passionate anger"(WEY), and "it doesn't fly off the handle" (MSG). Driving down the road as someone cut off my harmless minivan filled with my sweet children, the translation I got from God was "not easily offended." I heard these words echo in my mind when I felt the impatient stare of someone at the grocery store (don't they see what I'm trying to accomplish with two octopus like children and a watermelon protruding from my mid-section???) I hear it again when I read something political on Facebook. And God whispers it gently when I'm performing the mundane (and also somehow miraculous) tasks of motherhood, unseen and unheralded. Does a ballpoint pen drawing on my beige ottoman easily provoke me? Do I blaze out in passionate anger at the political views of others? Do I become irritable every time someone does not act the way I would deem kind? Do I fly off the handle (and down the road) to give dirty stares or flashing fingers? In each situation I hear it, "Not easily offended. Love."
Consider a another million dollar word: metanarrative. This is the overall theme of the Bible and that theme is Redemption.
Then there's the Almighty Ref. Am I easily angered by the challenges God puts in my life? Do we even realize we're angry with God about the difficulties we've been handed today? I got to a real honest point with God just yesterday on this issue. Kyle was out of town for the 10th out of an 11 day trip. I'm 8 months into housing a human and I'm spent. My oldest child woke up with a stomach bug and my littlest was growing surly from lack of daddy time. Trying to plug through I went to take our kitchen garbage out and saw our van door open. Well that's silly I thought. I pressed the button to get it to close. Nothing. Hmmm. I'll just shut it manually. Done. Oh, my keys are still in the ignition? Yesterday must have been a doozy! I'll just turn the key over. Nothing. No, no, no, no, no, no! No God. Not today. Are you serious?! I wish my reaction was different, but I flopped my head on the passenger seat, yelled at God and then cried. (I try to make no bones on here that I AM NO SAINT.) I think God needed to teach me this last lesson before publishing. There is no need to get angry at God for 'bad calls' because He doesn't make them.
As I calmed down, I thought through a plan, and then began to see God's hand in my day's mess, with quite some clarity I might say. I wanted to go to church that morning (though totally exhausted even upon waking.) The oldest said she was sick but I really didn't believe her belly ache was real. We got dressed but then she convinced me she really didn't feel good. I conceded. No church. I was pretty whooped too. Maybe we all needed less go, go, go today. What if I had pushed though? We would have gotten fully dressed, all bundled and packed up (no small feat I've described in past detail) just to find a dead car in the garage. It wasn't until after finding the car in its stationary state that my kiddo proved her sickness...ick. Had we not been grounded, that would've happened at church or in the car. And the day before, my tank was nearly empty and I just about past the gas station thinking I'd take care of it tomorrow. But I didn't. If I had, I would have had no gas to run the car after some friends of mine jumped it. I wish I could see all bad circumstances in the clarity of God's goodness and fairness. I've sang the worship song "You're a good good Father" about 10 times these past ten days. I again, wish my attitude was not quick offense at God for making such "terrible" calls, rather I wish I had trusted in his care as my good good Father.
Thankfully, He loves perfectly. He does not become offended easily by this frustrated mama. If God LOVES me (which He undoubtedly, absolutely does!) then, with a tremble on my lip and with my eyes sweating, I can take a big deep breath knowing He is not caught off guard by my unholiness. No need to fix myself (an impossible task) before I can be in relationship with Him. The beauty of a good ref is that the game runs smoother when the players begin to heed the justice and imitate the fairness of the referee. If I LOVE God I won't be as rattled when hard things come my way because I know he knows best. If I LOVE others I won't want to hurt them in return for their unkindness, or become quickly offended by their viewpoints. Don't think that all of this is a magical transformation. That somehow just by being a child of God makes you less inclined to become offended or to respond in that offense. I've often been told love is a choice. It's not a feeling, it's an action we choose to take. We have to choose to not become offended or at the start at least choose to hold our tongues, responding differently. But it is also true that in sitting and realizing the love God bestows on us, that he does not react out of offense at our actions, that our "want to" begins to change. Our emotional response will become calmer, is more compassionate, more loving. That is all a part of God's intentions for healthy human interactions. Imitating by choice the love we learn from God we join in in redeeming all of our relationships to what they were meant to be in the Garden of Eden. And in this way, redemption becomes our Monongahela....I mean, metanarrative. 😉