Adventures In Haiti- My Journal (Sunday)

If you are just wandering onto this blog, the following entry is part of a series detailing our recent trip to Haiti. Let the adventure begin...

The Chakoun at the mission base.

Today has just been wonderful! We were up EARLY (5:30AM), which is ok, because I was in bed by 7 last night. At 6am, I meandered across the yard of the mission base. Above me several different varieties of mango trees swayed in the ocean breeze. I hear the crash of the water hitting the shore, pass under the chakoun, a tropical pavilion whose roof is made of palm branches, and climb up onto the wall of the mission. It's topped with a wire fence and it's the closest I can get to the water without walking right out the gate. Sometimes, when I'm here, I forget I'm on a mission trip, where I am meant to serve and be "out of my comfort zone." But, let's be real. It's the caribbean! And it's landscape is gorgeous, even if the poverty and hurt that fills this beautiful country is abundant. Lex and Renee have told me time and again that this place, the mission base, is expected to be a haven, a place to rest after a hard day of work for the teams that come and I imagine, for them as well. This is where they live after all. I close my eyes and ask God to help me as I read his word, thankful to be resting after all that travel. Afterwards, we eat breakfast (yummy bread, fresh pineapple, peanut butter and of course, coffee) and clamor onto the big yellow school bus. Time for church.

The newly rebuilt school.

We were quite early so Lex gave us a tour of the new school building (which is at the same location as the church.) I am blow away at what they have accomplished since we were here 3 years ago! What was once a hole in the ground is now a two story building with classrooms, offices, a kitchen, a dance studio, a radio station, a storage room for supplies and a free medical clinic!! And the building is continuing! The Edmes have even started using hydroponics to raise fish for food on the same site as the church (how many of our churches in the states are that creative??) Needless to say, I was both impressed and inspired.

                     The Church.

In the middle of our tour, singing came from the church (an outdoor pavilion-kind of). The music is boisterous and the worship is heartfelt- we don't understand a word of it and the heat is already sweltering. BUT it is so good to be in the house of God with our brothers and sisters in Haiti! Kyle and I  are asked to come up to the front. We introduce ourselves and our team. Kyle preaches using a translator, but I don't get to hear because the rest of us go to teach Sunday school. I had the little tikes (3-5 year olds; any idea why I picked those cuties?) I gave hugs to lots of little ones who reminded me of Adelaide. It both made me miss her and filled that same gap. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a scuffle followed by two little boys crying, one who threw his snack bag at the floor in disgust and then himself flopped to the floor in a heap. I thought I was watching my little one back home throw a tantrum! I figured out that some 3 year old problems are similar in Haiti. Each little boy wanted a 'particular' snack bag (even though they were identical in type and quantity), and the one who had his 'particular' snack bag taken was the one on the floor. "Is this his?" I ask the boy sitting in his desk and point at the snack and then at the boy on the floor. Yes, he nods. Switch snack bags. All is right with the world! Other than saving the world of that 3 year old, I also teach a lesson on Jonah and the whale. Fun stuff! I see a few familiar faces in the crowd too. Faith- the daughter of the missionaries at the Hands and Feet Project was just 1 when we visited last time and her sister, Glory, was on the way (I was pregnant at the same time as her mama then.) Then, I'm talking to the little boys and I can't help but cup their cheeks in my palms- they are so sweet! One of them cups my face in his hands and says, I'm Christlove. Christlove!! Another little one, just a baby when I first met him! He was undernourished at the time and the recipient of much our previous team's affections and photo shoots! How wonderful it is to see these babies grow up healthy! I think, as we continue to visit Haiti, we will see them grow into teenagers and then young adults and so on. How amazing would that be?

        Daniella and Danielle sitting under the wall (and Clovis).

Speaking of watching little ones grow up, after church Alexis took us to see the Hands and Feet Project where the 32 orphans, whom Lex and Renee rescued from orphanage that was exploiting them, live. These were the children we first met in 2010. Among them was Daniella, who I have spoken often about. She is now 15! Being 15, she did not warm up to me right away, which was a challenge because I was so excited to see her. Later she and the other orphans came to our beach at the mission base to swim. I tried talking to her again but I'm all thumbs when it comes to teenagers. And I felt old and uncool all of a sudden. I gave her space to be with her friends and before long she asked me to come talk to her. We swam together with her friends and made jokes about boyfriends and talked about hair and school. We chatted a while, sitting on the wall, practicing English. I found out she wants to be a nurse now and that her favorite color is sky blue. This has to be the highlight of my week in Haiti, to reconnect with her, watch her grow up. I'll never forget how she captured my heart when she was just 10 years old, falling asleep on my lap in church! I didn't have my own kids yet and seriously thought about how I could take her home with me. I only hope I was able to convey my care for her today. She and her friends are quite special, at least in my book.

                           Mauvans

I met someone new that day too. I'm still working on the spelling, but his name is Mauvans. He was recently taken in at the orphanage because he is severely malnourished. At 1 years old, he is just a wee thing. At a second church service that night, he came in, held by his care taker who sat right behind me. I asked if I could him. She consented. Sweet, sweet boy! As I held his tiny frame, I couldn't help but feel how fortunate my babies are. I mean I know I sound like a narrow lensed American here in some respects (truly there are many unfortunate cases of neglected children in the States), and there are many sites of poverty in Haiti that make you realize how much you really have (and how gosh darn ungrateful you are for it). It just so happens that it was here in Haiti where I have encountered this little one. And once again my heart was captured. Maybe I can sponsor him? Maybe I will see him when he is two next year? Maybe I can watch him grow into a healthy, educated, kind hearted young man? These are the kind of things that happen to you when you take a mission trip. You meet people that never would have crossed your path if you stayed home. You want to care for them and wish nothing but the best for them though you did not know them 2 days ago. You are the salt of the earth, Matthew 5 says. If the salt loses it's saltiness it is good for nothing. If we lose our ability to love others, we are good for nothing. God seems to use trips like these to broaden my scope, awaken my heart and sharpen my ability to love others and today he did it through Christlove, Faith and Glory, Daniella, and Mauvans. 

Adventures In Haiti- My Journal (Friday-Saturday)

        

        

     

"It was a wonderful trip! Kyle and I thoroughly enjoyed visiting our friends there and also making new ones!"

If you were to ask me "How was your trip to Haiti?" this is how I would have genuinely replied. It WAS a wonderful trip! And truly, it felt like going home to visit family. But anyone who has ever taken a "mission trip" understands that such a response never seems to fully express all the emotions you felt, the stretching challenges you experienced, the changes that took place in your heart. Such a question, though well-intended, in passing, seems almost trite and it can be overwhelming to summarize the vast experiences that inundated your senses for the past week. To be asked immediatly upon arrival in the States, a week or even a month later seems too quick. There needs to be time to process what you've seen, heard, smelled, and felt. Some may be satiated by the quick answer above. For others, I'm writing for you, because I want you, in some way to be moved too. When my husband goes away even for a short time, I want to know everything that happened while he was away. I want to keep up with him by growing the same way he might have grown through his experiences apart from me. The following is one of several parts of a series in this blog dedicated to letting you in to my thoughts as I journaled them away in an airport, on a bumpy bus, sitting by the ocean, lying in my dorm on the mission base. And it's intended for your growth as well as mine because upon re-entry into my everyday life, devoid of the routines of bug spray, sweating in 98 degree heat, learning creole, and being surrounded by others (mostly of whom do not speak my native tongue.) I need to process. And while I'm doing that, I can answer your question of,  "How was your trip?" a little more thoroughly. Here goes:

Friday, 10:00am

Time to say goodbye to the girls. Man, I'm gonna miss them! The moments before leaving loved ones are always the hardest. You soak in every glimpse of them, every sweet moment, every funny thing they say or do. In fact, when Adelaide woke up this morning she wanted snuggled, a routine upon waking that she had long given up since Mercy came around. I held her like a little baby on the couch and could have cried! Why do they have to do the cutest things right when you're about to leave?!

6:30pm

We are now en route to Haiti. After packing everything into vans and trucks, driving to Kansas City, and making one more phone call to my girls in the airport, we are on our flight to Atlanta, Georgia. My thoughts? I deeply miss Adelaide and Mercy, and hated leaving them behind. But, I can't help but feel like I'm in my element as we embark on this trip. I love doing this stuff! Someday maybe they will come with me. We are a little nervous as our connecting flight to Miami from Atlanta is only 45 minutes apart and Atlanta is a pretty big airport! Tiffany and Chad have been commissioned to "jog" ahead to hold the flight for the rest of us! Tiff is the fastest among us. But before we arrived in Atlanta, Dave received a notification on his phone that our flight to Miami was significantly delayed. So it looks like the Williams won't get their evening run in. 

Saturday, 12:00am

Friday and Saturday are quickly melting into each other.  Our already late arriving flight into Miami was delayed by 2 hours causing us to make the team decision to cancel the hotel reservation we had in Miami. By the time we would have gotten to the hotel it would have been nearly 3am and we may have only gotten 2 hours of sleep before turning around to come back to the airport. Not to mention we would have had to lug 18 bags weighing 50lbs each to the hotel and then back. So instead we will bunk down in the Miami airport to sleep as much as we can until check-in at 4:00am (which actually ended up being 6:00am.) For now, we sit on the plane at mid-night waiting to brave two storm systems along our path, one south of Atlanta and another entering Miami. Should be an interesting evening. 

                                                

2:30am

In the Miami airport. Most of my team is sleeping. I cannot sleep for the life of me. Maybe it's the adrenaline, or the feeling that the day has not seemed to have ended yet, or the fact that there is no comfortable place to sleep. My teamates seem to have overcome the obstacles: Tiffany is stretched out on the strangest shaped bench ever (kind of like a three legged starfish) with her feet propped up on a suitcase. Jan, Turner, Galynn and Chad have found a kind of 'haven' right outside the bathrooms, where it is quiet and carpeted, but the air conditioning is blowing right on them making it freezing. Dave, Ron, and Kyle help me guard the mass of luggage we have. All drift off for moments here and there in their chairs or on the awkward bench. 

4:00am

"Morning" comes and we discover Dunkin Donuts is open. Glory of glories!! Kyle returns with a donut for me and coffee for him. He must be delirious because he has sweetened his coffee. By this point I have been up for 24 plus hours and I didn't even feel tired! It came in other forms than heavy eyes though: like being a little punchy (maybe even grouchy at times I'll admit.) My enthusiasm for trip leading dissipated a little when Air France wanted us to pay for our bags AGAIN. This time $75 a bag! Highway robbery that is! Delta had also left Turner's bag in the Atlanta airport. It was beginning to be just a bit too much for this plan oriented softy. Praise the Lord for my husband who did not crumble under pressure. He stayed firm when I was about to give in. And our good cop, bad cop teamwork paid off. Turns out the mistake was on their end, and after a little convincing of that (;-) we were back on track. Turner's personal luggage is still MIA though. 

9:00am

We finally make it onto the plane bound for Port Au Prince and I am spent! I was asleep before the plane took off!

11:00am

When we arrived in Haiti I couldn't help but be excited through my exhaustion. The heat, the sites and the smells were welcomed though many may not consider them pleasant by some standards. It was even more exciting to be greeted by AJ Edme. So nice to see him again! As we rode through Port Au Prince and it's surrounding areas on the bumpy school bus (that had been signed by others who had come to visit), I was in awe at the improvements to Port Au Prince and the airport. So much has been rebuilt since the earthquake 5 years ago. All the stimulation must have been too much for me apparently because I was soon conked out on my back pack. When we arrived at the base around 1pm, our day was not quite over. We had an orientation (and hugs!) from the missionaries, Lex, Renee and Alexis Edme, then a dip in the ocean. My shower was cold but amazing after a long (2) day(s?). Sleep soon followed around... 7pm?? We found out we will be teaching Sunday school in the morning at church and Kyle will preach! Each day we have a devotional in which there is a place to jot down your prayer time, today I wrote/prayed:

"God, you are sovereign. I trust your plan for whatever happens on this trip. May I honor you with my actions and may my weaknesses be met by your strength."

Living Simply

Spring is well in the air! The birds are back and singing up a storm, the tulips are blooming, everything is lush and green (Kyle has even had to cut the grass a few times) and the tornado practice siren is going off very Friday at noon. We have also had what I would call a tornado practice siren 'kick-off' earlier in the spring that happens once, mid-week, and it goes on and on. So if it catches you off guard, you might think one is coming. (Happened to us.) Another siren goes off too, but only I hear it in our mind. It's the spring cleaning alarm that tells me it's time for

THE GREAT PURGE.


The Great Purge is my way of getting rid of the 'stuff' that we accumulate over the winter, particularly because of the biggest commercial holiday ever that occurs in its midst. My husband cringes at The Great Purge partly because his collection of t-shirts almost always comes under fire, but mostly because this event used to start with a four page list of 'to-do's' detailing the process. Ok, you're going to think I'm crazy here, but I when you finish reading this you'll understand my heart in doing what I do (did). I would write all the rooms in our house down and the then write a list of cleaning needs (wash curtains, sweep behind couch, yada yada) under each and include areas that needed purging ('purge closet', 'purge junk drawer', 'purge pantry'). I know, I know, crazy. I did used to have a different blog titled the Maniacal Organizer. Yep. Maniacal. There was a reason. Basically, I wanted to get rid of anything we weren't using and clean what was left.

Well, I used to do that. Then I had my second child, and to my husband's relief, I let go of the list. BUT, I do still purge. I do it more now as I go (with maybe a little more of a concentrated effort in the spring and fall- spring to clean, fall to prepare for the onslaught of stuff at Christmastime.)

You see, it seems I always have two places on my heart (other than Iowa and Pennsylvania, and maybe Chicago when I'm hungry). I think a lot about Haiti and Rome, particularly when it comes to material possessions. Strange combo, huh? I think you'll know why Haiti if you've been reading at all. Both of these places hold my heart in ways I am surprised by. They also hold my curiosity because of that- I wonder what God will do....

The recent earthquake in Nepal was devastating and my heart aches for them in the same way I do for many that suffer that way. It made me think of the first time I thought about Haiti, when they were hit with an terrible earthquake in 2010. Watching it on the news, I was compelled in a way I haven't been before, or again, to go and immediately if possible. The door opened and I went. And I went again and again. And now, after 3 years and 2 babies, drawn by my experiences there and the relationships we formed with the missionaries, we are going again. It's funny when you look back at life and realize that God is orchestrating the details. What made me want to go to Haiti? Why do I not feel as compelled to run off to Nepal? My only explanation is that God had that all planned.

On the other hand, I have never been to Rome. Never even been to Europe in general. I know two wonderful people who are missionaries there. They once came to our church in Pennsylvania and showed a video of their work, of inviting people into their home to learn about the hope of Jesus and ministering to women on the streets.

There was that feeling again. 

That compulsion to go. 

We played with the idea of joining the work there with ReachGlobal before coming to Iowa. Even started the application process. But there was a gentle whisper saying the timing wasn't right. God's leading took us to Atlantic instead (a training ground perhaps?) Does all that seem too emotional? All this talk of feelings and compulsion really sounds like Rome is just a pipe dream. All I can say to that, is that I have never felt compelled to serve in Japan, or Thailand (two very cool places) or Yemen or Cote d'ivoire (two very bold mission fields), but I know people in each of those places that have felt that. So there is a very real possiblity that God might lead us to Rome someday.

Anyways, my 'stuff'. Seeing and knowing what my friends in Haiti live without and what many people around the world do not have, sometimes makes me cringe at my belongings. It makes me want to live with less. Knowing God may also call us to live as full time missionaries in Rome also makes me think that process will be a lot simpler if we don't have so much stuff. We've moved once (from a smaller house) and I wish we had gotten rid of more before we packed it all up! Imagine moving across the ocean?

We have a plaque in our home that (Kyle thinks it's cheesy, and it might be, but still it inspires me) says, "Live simply so that others may simply live." When I know there are others in the world that are barely surviving, I am moved to live way more simply. It helps keep perspective on that next "thing" I want to purchase. And I try to sell, or give away stuff, so I learn to live with less. So The Great Purge.

What keeps from diving head-long into selfishness and greed is that tension, but how I desire to dive head-long into selflessness and generosity!

Sometimes though I lose perspective, even in the middle of getting rid of things! "I really like this....Maybe I'll just hold on to this....Might I'll be able to use this later...." Or, I begin thinking of all the things I want to buy because I think I NEED them. Let me tell you, there's not much that I NEED. But this is the problem. I feel like I'm living in dual worlds, where I am confronted by the darkness, hurt and need around me, but sucked in by a lust for things (even good things). What keeps me from diving head-long into selfishness and greed is that tension, but how I desire to dive head-long into selflessness and generosity!

My little girls are just at the age where they are beginning to fight over toys. Mostly it's the older daughter who constantly snatches things from her baby sister (who wants to touch EVERYTHING and has no concept of yours and mine.) "MINE!" often proceeds out of her mouth. I confront this in two ways: the toy is completely removed from anyone's possession (if you can't place nice, and share, then you can't play at all) and more importantly, I think, I try to explain to my oldest that her relationship with her sister is more important than said toy. My brothers and sisters around the world are more important than my "toys" too and so with Rome and Haiti on my mind, I am learning to live more simply.

Our Team!

In the past 6 months our team has become a group of nine individuals who are uniquely gifted. We have a few who work in education, a couple who are musically talented, a couple athletes, one great photographer, a technology guy, a few of us who love to organize and one pastor (can you guess who that is?) I am looking forward to seeing how God will use each of these personalities on our trip for His glory. Meet the team! (or atleast most of us- Galynn is not pictured and Kyle is taking our photo.) Back row from the left is Chad and his daughter, Tiffany Williams, Dave Highfill, Ron and his son Turner Russell. In the center is Jan, Dave's wife, and I think you know the girl on the end there. ;-)

As a team we have been meeting regularly to prepare for cultural differences, ministry effectiveness, and just to get to know each other better. We have learned so much! This last training session seemed to brim with energy as we talked about our plans for while we would be in Haiti. It has been an incredible blessing to see this group of individuals gel together as a team, learn about who they are and the talent they possess, and watch as they have become completely bought in to the the vision of this trip. I can say for sure that all of them have a heart for serving the Lord. They are just a good natured bunch!

And as we talked plans and packing supplies, we also discussed what it meant to be on mission with God. Being on mission with God is about keeping the big picture in mind when going on a short term mission trip. And that big picture is that God is already at work in the hearts and lives of the people of Haiti. He is already moving in the missionaries, pastors, churches and individual lives of any country. We are called to join Him in that work. 

 We simply offer our gifts and talents, uniquely given to us by God, back to Him for the joy of joining what He is already doing!

The significance of this is a change in perspective. We do not go to "save" Haiti. Indeed they already have a Savior! But as workers of the harvest (Matthew 9 says that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. The harvest refers to those who do not know Jesus loves them dearly and wants a relationship with them) all Christians are called to act on their faith to share the love of Jesus. But instead of thinking we have that tremendous task to do all on our own, we recognize that God is already drawing people to Himself. We simply offer our gifts and talents, uniquely given to us by God, back to Him for the joy of joining what He is already doing!

And what are we going to to do there? I'm glad you asked! We are making preparations to hold music classes, teach English, do some painting projects, and plans to hang out with children in the community (games/crafts). Another way we will be serving is by taking supplies. One of the main ways Mission of Hope International gets supplies is through teams like ours. So we are planning to each pack one full bag of supplies. We are holding a drive for specific items like peanut butter, tylenol, and school supplies, but intend to take more than those things. If your interested in giving any supplies, check out MOHI's website for a list of Items For Mission Use:

http://www.mohintl.org/items-to-pack

We've got boxes set up at the Evangelical Free Church of Atlantic and Sweet Joys in Atlantic. And of course you can mail us stuff too! (For you long-distance folks!)

Part of being on mission with God also means being flexible with plans as well as open to God's leading while there. We recognize that these plans we are making are to be held with an open hand, to be offered in service when needed or let go of as we follow the Lord's leading and trust the full-time missionaries judgment on what is most helpful. 

In the end, we surrender our plans to God's, recognizing that he is orchestrating every note of this endeavor. Something I am very thankful for!

  

Who's Ready To Rumble?!

                      

As our team prepares to venture to Haiti, we are spending a lot of time together studying God's word, learning about one another and training as much as we can for our trip. In our training this month, we spent time talking about conflict resolution. As you can imagine, Haiti is quite a different experience from our everyday lives here in the United States. It's the Caribbean, so it's hot and humid. It's a developing country, so it's very poor, the roads not smooth, the smell of burning garbage hangs in the air, people are everywhere, and malnourished kiddos beg at your side. For us marshmallow Americans it can be an assault on the senses and wearing to body, soul and mind. This stress makes us vulnerable to release the worst in us: a biting remark, withdrawal from our friends, dirty looks....all those things which cause interpersonal conflicts. SO, I thought it was important that our team talked about how to prevent and diffuse conflicts that might occur while on the trip.

We started with an honest conversation about what each of us needs when we are out of sorts. And it was different for almost everybody! When I'm grumpy, I talk about it (complain really). I'm the type that wears her heart on her sleeve (unless you've burned me before, then I clam up tighter than yoga pants.). And when I verbalize my discontent, what I need is a strong dose of empathy followed by humor. I also really like 'warm hugs' (Olaf).  Knowing these things about each other, I hope, will help to avoid some conflict and also, allow us to give grace to one another by doing those things. Now here's the funny thing. Some of my team members need hugs and to talk through the stress, others need SPACE and sleep! I can think of a whole lot of hilarious scenarios when those two collide! Well, hilarious from a distance. I don't want to be anywhere near the situation when the person needing space gets a thirty second hug from the person who likes affection when stressed! And though we talked about those things, someone is bound to give an unwanted hug or snap at someone else. Conflict will still occur.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

When that happens we need grace or G.R.A.C.E., a nifty acronym I used to help us resolve conflicts. Here goes:
G for giving in. As Christ followers, I think we forget in our conflicts with others that the most important thing is not being right, but rather it's about love. We can take a cue from God on this point that though He is completely right about everything, He loved us and took away the conflict we have with Him through Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:18 & 19 uses the word 'reconcile' to describe what Christ did for us. God reconciled our relationship with him, "not counting men's sins against them.' Sin is "wrongdoing" and in the context of Christianity it is wrongdoing against God, and what keeps us from a relationship with Him. So when God 'reconciled' us, He didn't bother to make us get our act together before doing it. He didn't make us accountable to our sins then, before moving in love towards us. In fact, in another part of scripture (Romans 5) it says that "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." A very quoteable verse is John 3:16: "If God were so right that..." Wait, that's not how it goes? ;-) I think if God were concerned first and foremost with being right, then humanity's story would be quite different. In conflicts therefore, our aim in reconciling should be love first not being right. And sometimes that means letting it go, giving in and not getting justice.(Not a very human way of looking at things I suppose, especially us Judge Judy lovers.)

On the other hand, sometime's loving means R- resolving conflict quickly. If you can't let it go, confront with integrity and a desire to restore the relationship with the other person. Speak your hurt, but do so in love and be prepared to embrace and forgive (which, lets be honest is harder than confronting.)

A is for Aiding the other person. When someone else hurts me, my defense mechanism is to try to see things from their vantage point. So many times those that hurt others are those that have been hurt themselves, or are hurting currently. If you can pin point those things in their lives that are causing them stress and know a tangible way to make them feel better, then do it. (WARNING here: you cannot save or heal everybody's hurts. You also need to set appropriate boundaries for helping as some are not willing to change and some will not respond politely to your help.) On a trip setting like ours though, responding to an individual who is out of sorts in the manner they would like is a great way to aide that person.

C is for a committment to unity. This is a pretty self-explanatory attitude that is lived out practically by protecting the integrity of the group, not talking badly about each other, and generally doing those things listed prior.

E is for beginning and ending with prayer. My mum told me once you can't change others but you can change yourself. But you know who can change others? Yep that's right. God. So before you start talking to any one else about your issues with other people, you should talk to Him. Get wisdom, get perspective. Figure out if it's a let go kind of thing, or a confront kind of thing. And if it's a confront thing, when your done restoring the relationship, pray together. Seal the deal. Get closure.

All good for a team going to Haiti. Heck, all good for any time. In the end, I want to love Jesus more than I want to be right. Sometimes that means letting go of hurtful things others might do to me and it always means loving others no matter what. Matthew 5:43-44 has impacted me in a big way this week. "You have heard it was said, 'love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Though the above training was intended for a lesson in handling vulnerability to conflicts in a stressful situation (a mission trip), I think I learned that the lesson of grace extends much further into our lives, culminating at a place where, we no longer just love those who are easy to love but embrace the difficult task of loving when it's not due. Just don't hug the person who needs their space, ok? 

Prince or Pauper?

A happy toddler plays with her kitchenette. She makes soup out of a fake lemon, a rock and a hair clip. I don't know what kind of soup this is going to be, but she is entirely content. Meanwhile, a helpless 7 month old is exploring the living room floor, eyes wide, flitting back and forth at the toys around her.  She reaches for a baby doll left behind long ago and the toddler's head jerks up like an invisible alarm went off. "I neeeeeed that!" explodes out of her mouth as she dives for the doll, ripping it from her sister's hands. This has become a common occurrence in our household. As I scold Adelaide for her behavior, I wonder, "Now where did she learn THAT from? Why is she content until she sees what her sister has and then what she had is no longer good enough for her?

As peace returns to our playtime, I continue to browse the "web." On instagram, 'wow look at that beautiful picture of Bora Bora. Ooooh, and look at Venice! Someday, we'll save up enough to travel the world.' On pinterest, I search ideas for re-decorating our home. 'I want to paint this and that, and oh, we need new curtains...' Then I look at my closet and realize I must look like a pauper in my boots I've been wearing for 2 years, and I search spring clothing trends on Google.  "I am so out of touch with fashion! I need a whole new wardrobe.'  I realize how much time I've spent on the internet and panic 'cause dinner needs made and there is "nothing" in the house to eat. UGH! I wish I had someone else's life where I could afford luxurious trips and beautiful clothes and... "I NEEEEED that!"

Only perspective gained through God's grace can transform our hearts so we no longer desire what we do not need.

Uh oh. Looks like Mama needs a time out. I wish I could say we grow out of our two year old compulsions but you don't. It just gets worse and you get better at hiding the ugly truth that we humans are greedy and prone to compare and simply want what we do not have, even if we have a lot. This is probably because because you cannot 'grow' out of greed, comparison, and the desire to put things before people. Only perspective gained through God's grace can transform our hearts so we no longer desire what we do not need.

Years ago on my first mission trip to Matamoros, Mexico, I encountered poverty like I had never seen. Though I grew up in a old farmhouse with holes in the walls and little critters that came in often, I returned from that trip feeling ashamed that I was embarrassed by my home. I gained perspective seeing a family of five living in a "house" the size of my bedroom and kids that weren't in school because there was no way they could afford it. It changed me. I felt like a prince (or a princess I guess).

And though I have seen that kind of poverty several more times since then, I still cry in my heart, "I NEEEED that!" And to be honest, it breaks my heart, mostly because I cannot seem to get a hold of this greedy monster inside of me!

The man stared across the street, he was dressed to the nines. His chaffeur had pulled up in front of a crowd of men. His whole life he had done right by all. When his peers got caught up in corrupt businesses practices, fraud and even worse, threatening and murdering their way to the top, he stayed true to what he was taught as a child. He was a believer, a good kid, unblemished by the wealthy life he was living. Still something felt like it was missing and it was eating away at him! He flew out of his vehicle and headed toward the crowd. He had heard about the man in the middle, a wise man; a good man. Pushing his way through the smelly crowd he fell to his knees in desperation, without care that it would stain his expensive clothes. "Good teacher!! What must I do to have eternal life?!" Jesus turned and looked down at the man by his feet, a man he knew before the dawn of time, a man he created. 'You know what your religion teaches you- Don't lie, cheat, murder, hurt others, and respect your parents.' The man replied, "I've always done those things." Seeing the thirst for more in his eyes, Jesus looked at him with compassion and love, 'Go, sell everything you own and give it to the poor. Then follow me.' The hope and expectation shattered in the man's heart and he went away in even more anguish because he was so rich.

As soon as I begin to feel anguish over my 'things' or lack therof, I have placed my possessions above my relationship with Christ.

Anthropologically speaking it is natural for humans to have a deep connection with their possessions as well as use those possessions as status markers. The problem with this is that possessions should not be our identity markers. Christ should be where we rest our identity. And as soon as I begin to feel anguish over my 'things' or lack therof, I have placed my possessions above my relationship with Christ. My things then beome an idol. And I have not then, like the rich young ruler above, kept all the commandments. In fact, I have broken the most important one, loving the Lord God with everything in me. My love of things cannot and should not come between me and God, but just like the man in the story, it is incredibly challenging to lay my wants down to follow Christ. I think about these things as we prepare for another perspective changing trip and praying God will help me overcome my two year old ways.

Keeping The Line Warm- Reminder To Pray

         BUSY. Yep, that's us, busy. Like, morning to night, running on a hamster wheel, busy.  The day starts at 4am when the baby wakes to eat (or it starts at 12:00am- when she also eats- depends on your point of view.) I like to think my day ends when I go to sleep, but really it's not a linear path I live on, characterized by ends and beginnings. It's more like a circle with one day bleeding into the next. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, 4am. I feed her and she goes back to sleep (sometimes). I fight sleep as I think about the many things on my plate for that day. 6am comes around quickly and we're up; we are ALL up. There's a flurry of diapering, getting two little people dressed, making breakfast, which comes only after we move dirty dishes around so we can open our toaster oven...I know what your thinking: "Wow, they leave their dirty dishes from the night before piled up on the counter? Doesn't Danielle stay home all day? Don't you have a dishwasher? She must sitting around eating Bon bons or taking naps."  Trust me, by the time I get to the end of the day you'll understand why doing the dishes is last on the priority list and sleep is número uno. Throw a couple tantrums from the 2 year old in that mix and you've got our morning! The rest of the day is a frantic blur of getting to the YMCA, getting back with just enough time to give the little one a nap, get lunch, fight the big one on nap and then trying to squeeze a billion "to-do's" into a small hour and half time frame and do it as quietly as possible. Shhh...

If you're a parent of littles or have been there you know how this feels and what the rest of the day looks like. By 8pm when both are asleep for the night, you say 'heck with the dishes!' And crawl into bed yourself, because you needed to be asleep an hour ago. So yeah, busy. I'm sure some this is just our season of life, but something tells me that many people (kids or no kids) feel this way.


So where is the time to pray? To sit down and honestly talk to God and listen too? I grew up with many telling me about the necessity for a 'devotion' time (reading the Bible, and praying mainly) and lots of those told me it should be in the morning, first thing! Otherwise how else would your day go well if you didn't commit it to the Lord with a 'devotion'? This model always felt a little rigid, but as a teen or a college student, or even a young married person I bought into it because it seemed feasible if I could just 'get my act together'. But as a parent, I was crushed by this expectation.

I. Am. Not. A. Morning. Person. I can barely breathe at 4am, let alone have a 'devotion'. And the rest of the day is so wrapped up in making sure my kids (and myself) do not have complete meltdowns that prayer time is difficult to come by and yet, it's in these times that I feel I need to be on my knees to God the most!

 I have been learning a different way about prayer though. There is this itty-bitty verse in 1 Thessalonians where the authors of this letter encourage the people to "pray continuously" or "pray without ceasing." For some odd reason praying ALL the time, as opposed to a set time of prayer resounds with me. Probably because it works. I have been finding that 'keeping the line warm' with God allows me to keep the conversation going with him. Like a text message conversation (I know, using this as an example just confirms what a millenial I am), I can pick up with the conversation at any point in the day and in the same way, I keep my ears (or more like my heart/spirit) open to his replies of encouragement, guidance, and conviction. I do this now with my day to day struggles: when there's a lot on my plate (which is always) or when my girls are being particularly moody, or I am particularly moody (which is almost never ;-)), I talk to God about those things, asking for grace in the midst of stress. I do it with prayer requests from others, sticking those requests on a white board and when I pass by it, I just pray as I go. If I find myself in a moment of quiet (rare but happens on occasion) in the shower, at naptime, or lying awake at night, I talk to God about those in need or thank God or ask for forgiveness. It's just continuous. Now, I am not trying to sound über holy here, so let me serve myself some humble (apple) pie. This has only been by God's grace that I have been remembering to 'keep the line warm'. But it is my responsibility to choose to be obedient to this leading for those things to happen. I will be the first to tell you that I am not obedient all the time.

        "The prayers of a righteous man are 
                                 powerful and effective."   

What's the pay off? Freedom for one. There is not this crushing pressure to fulfill an expectation of a lengthy time of prayer. Not that a long period of prayer is bad or that you shouldn't ever do it. Maybe that's something for me to work on. I can watch an episode of television, I suppose I could try to use that time for prayer instead once in a while. But you shouldn't give up prayer because you can't reach the perfection of one particular model.

The other reason is that prayer is effective. The book of James mentions that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective (Thank you to the gym I used to box at for naming your facility the James 5:16 Center- I'll always remember that one.) Let's not forget that when we keep the line warm we are connecting with The Source of power- God Almighty. We are not just calling our girlfriend up on the phone to commiserate with in our daily struggles, but we are giving our lives over to someone who can do something about our worries, our stresses, our friend's need.

When we first started planning our trip to Haiti, we sent letters asking for prayer and financial support. I often wonder if people are praying for us and hope that they are because I know that prayer is effective. As you pray for our team, our trip, the missionaries, Lex and Renee Edme, and Haiti, remember that you are doing something powerful and effective. Would you 'keep the line warm' for us and for Haiti?