On Mission, Here and There

South Africa. THAT's where I was going. It was my first vision of mission and the first trip my little church ever offered as a possibility. A woman in our congregation started a small personal ministry where she would buy little bits of clothing here and there and ship them on her own dime to some organization in South Africa. Her heart burned to go visit and I imagine she wanted others to share her passion so it became a short term mission trip. I signed up immediately at the age of 14. I don't remember what primed my heart that led me to that decision, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that's what I where I was "destined" for. After church, I told my dad and pulled out my old globe, well worn from my fingers gliding across the bumpy topography and gazing at the world 'out there.' We located South Africa and as I touched the spot of my destiny, I imagined what it would be like. (I dare not describe those visions because my naivety then would betray me, but I think you get the picture.) South. Africa! 

A year later, I would step foot on the ground of my destiny, in CANADA. What's that, eh? You read it correctly. Canada. We drove (we didn't even get to fly!) 12 hours to Ontario to spend the week at Mattagami First Nation, the home of the Objibway and OjiCree people. Now writing about our time spent with these beautiful Native American peoples, I realize this was just as cool of a trip as South Africa. If only I recognized that as a teenager! Admittedly I was a bit dissapointed when my dream destination fell through, but my heart burned for missions, and I was up for any of it! 

I was entranced by a cute guy with his dark brown hair, torn hippy sweater and cool swagger when he walked.

Little did I know, but Ontario really was my destiny. Once there, I did what most short termers do: played with children, conducted a VBS, hung out with "natives." Honestly, I was terrified most of the time. I had no clue what I was doing so when a "native" talked to me and I felt all this pressure to witness to them, but it was lost on me how to do that. So, I mostly went silent. During the rest of the time, I was entranced by a cute guy with his dark brown hair, torn hippy sweater and cool swagger when he walked. When he started paying attention to me, I'm pretty sure I could have cared less about the 'mission.' He wrote my name artistically in the sand on the lakeside beach us teens hung out at and he got upset with me when I hopped on the back of a twenty-something native's dirt bike to go for a ride. The reason for his ire? I didn't wear a helmet. Puh-lease. I knew he was just jealous. No worries. We overcame our first fight by sitting on a picnic table sharing his head phones and listening to Rage Against the Machine. No doubt Mattagami will forever hold a special place in my heart, but I'm not sure how much of an 'impact' I made for the Gospel. At least I got my husband out of it. 

Can you spot us?

Though that trip would go on for many subsequent years, I never returned. I did however take that passion for missions to Mexico, but there something began to change. Again, I did what most short-termers do. We walked the streets of the colonia and stopped at each house to talk to people, pray with them. I got bolder, using my translator (I hadn't learned Spanish yet!), I asked questions, I prayed for families heartfelt prayers that I now wonder if they were answered. I sat in one woman's home, a pieced together building half the size of my kitchen today, held together with Lord know's what, with her five kiddos dancing around me, playing with a litter of kittens that looked half dead. She told me about her eldest girl. Cute little thing. She wanted her to go to school. She needed $50 for the tuition. Feeling ashamed, I realized I had brought more than that for my souvenirs. I began to understand my weight in the world. My have. Her have not. And I began to realize that this life was not about me, but where I was involved was to further the mission of Christ and care about folks like her and her family. Looking into her deep brown eyes, I felt awful. I had been warned not to make promises. But you better bet I begged and pleaded with my leader to get her the money I was willing to give. God spoke to my heart so much on that first trip. I remember going home to my jalopy of a farmhouse and thinking I lived in a palace compared to what I had just seen. I would return again and then again and that third time I went back as the leader of the trip in my freshman year of college and it would be that same year that I would dedicate my life to the mission using my college education and my career. I studied ministry, culture, communication and graduated with my heart and mind now in alignment. 

Bad mane in Mexico!

I haven't gotten to use the Spanish I've learned much since then because we've been captured by Haiti since 2010. It really hasn't even been useful at all since the romance language doesn't seem to line up too much with Haitian Creole. But the tides are turning. Our mission's committee has been discussing our future short term trips and praying over the intentionality and purpose of them. We support many missionaries fiscally but want to know them more personally and have been seeking ways to support them above and beyond monetary giving. SO we are aligning our short term trips with that purpose in mind- to know our missionaries and their ministries personally and to bless them and encourage them in our visit. Knowing that short term teams can often be a burden more than a help, with the agendas and extra work they bring, we are gearing our trips so that this is not the case. Instead, we have decided to allow the missionary to tell us how we can help them further their already going ministry. We also desire to employ the old saying that "Good company isn't really 'company'" Meaning more people in their week ought to mean more hands to help, more hugs to give, more love to cherish, and more folks to tell others about the good work going on there. Our first stop is in Thailand this fall. We are sending an ambassador couple to get to know our missionaries there (No, it's not us, darn it!) We will be heading to Italy in January 2017 though, where a missionary couple ministers to families on a military base. Then in June of that same year, we hope to send one more group internationally, destination TBA. (Haiti???? Pretty PLEEEEse!) 

Still on mission with that hunk from Canada...

I have read enough articles about why not to go on short term missions to make my head explode and my heart sink. What have I spent my life doing anyway? And though I find those articles to be thought provoking and am thankful for them if only to make us wise in our short-term methods, I do not think that these types of trips should stop. I do often wonder what might happen if we heeded the advice of ceasing all short term missions. Would we see less long-term missionaries in the future? Would we see more greed in the world because less people were less thankful rather than more after seeing what they truly have and others do not? Would people be less inclined to give to missionaries, give to hunger relief, give to anything that they could not see? How about the spiritual consequences? We are quick to disregard the changes that take place in the hearts of short-termers. Aren't these good changes? Are not people drawn closer to God? Isn't that worth taking a million short-term trips?  

Allow me to step off my soap box... 

The greater reason to go on any mission is because it is not a reason at all but a compulsion. Compulsion is defined as "an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way." An urge?? When was last time you had an urge? I'm pretty sure most of my pregnancies were one big urge to eat cupcakes. I love that first Corinthians 5:14 says, "For Christ's love compels us..." Something about knowing Christ, experiencing love, hope, and renewal in relationship with him gives us "an irresistible urge." To do what?? Study the Bible? Go to church? Sing in a choir?

We ought to be compelled 

by God's love 

for God's mission that all would know 

of God's grace

 "And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." (Verse 15) We are no longer to live for ourselves... But for him. So, that might mean reading your Bible, going to church and if you can sing, singing. But all of that is diddly squat if you are ignoring the cause of the needy, the vulnerable, and those with out hope (Is.1:12-17 for another blog post altogether!). 2nd Corintians tells us God reconciled our broken relationship with God, not so that we could solely study Him and feel good about ourselves, but it says he gave us the ministry of reconciliation, and has committed to us telling others that Christ died so that humanity might live in hope. (Verses 18-19) We ought to be compelled by God's love for God's mission that all would know of God's grace. 

That mission is for both here and there. If you needed a reason rather than a feeling to be on mission for God, Matthew 28 and Acts 1 ought to give you what you're looking for, because as believers we are all called to "Go and make disciples of all nations."(Matthew 28:19) A smart man once told me the word "go" in that verse was translated in the Bible's original language as: "as you are going" showing that our mission of making disciples is to be occurring in everyday life, wherever we are. As we are going to the grocery store, we are on mission (and not just for a frozen pizza). As you are going to walk your dog, you are still on mission. (I say 'you' 'cause we're not dog people...) At work, at home, at the mall, on the farm, we are still on mission. And if we are to reach "all nations" somebody is also going to have to "go" to another nation. 

In light of the scripture, is the value of my compulsion for the mission not dictated by location?

Acts 1:8 also commends us to this good work and gives us the hope of the power of the Holy Spirit to be God's witnesses here and there, as the disciples are told to do so in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and to the ends of the earth. Jerusalem was where they were! Christ could have just said "and to the ends of the earth" but saying Judea, Samaria and the ends of the earth let them, and us, know that this mission is for here, and there, and everywhere in between. 

I worry. I worry that in going on all these short term trips, in doing ministry of any kind, I am not making a blip of difference or that as one article put it that my trips are "useless." I worry that if my heart for caring for others is useless in another country that it is equally useless in caring for my children at home in the Lord's mission. Is one greater than the other? Or, in light of the scripture, is the value of my compulsion for the mission not dictated by location? Let us be encouraged to "be strong and immovable."  May we "always work enthusiastically for the Lord" both here and there and everywhere in between because we know "that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless." (1 Corinthians 15:58) Our mission for the Lord can be crippled by a distraction of self-absorption by worrying how little we can give as well as how much we can get. Let's not let either be a stumbling stock to our true destiny of being on mission.  

Jaggers

I sat behind our 100 year old farm house watching my dad dig a sewer line. His little girl was a constant companion, enamored by her daddy's work. I talked incessantly and when I wasn't talking, I was singing. But for a moment I went quiet staring at the dirt I was sitting in. Chunks of rock and hard dirt lay in front of me where a pretty little yellow dandelion sprung up though the pile. Behind me were, well, jaggers. Do you know what a 'jagger' is? (Googling it doesn't work, unless you want to gaze into Mick's eyes). It's the name I grew up calling thorn bushes. Anyways, jaggers covered my back yard. I grew up in the boonies, let me tell ya. My mind overflowed to my mouth and I began jabbering to my dad (who was probably enjoying the silence) about how there is good dirt and bad dirt. "And see that rocky dirt, where the flower is? That is bad dirt and that flower is going to die. And see those jaggers? That's bad dirt too. And see this smooth dirt I'm on? Seed can grow well here because it's good dirt. And that's just like how people are with Jesus, Dad." Now, I might have gotten some details amiss, but upon hearing this, my dad (prophetically?) told me I would grow up to be a preacher. 

                                                            Jaggers? 

My mom was a stickler about going to church (thank heavens!) and I learned a lot of sermons growing up. One of them was the parable of the sower. Jesus told the disciples about a farmer who was planting his crops. Some seed fell on the path where the birds ate it up. Some seed fell on rocky soil, where a plant quickly grew but died because it did not have good roots and the sun burned it up. Still other plants grew up in between the 'jaggers'  but the thorns choked it out. And of course some seed made it to the rich, fertile (Iowan?) soil where it grew up and fed the world. (Matthew 13) Jesus had to explain what this all meant because the disciples were a bit dopey (like us). He said, "Whenever anyone hears the message..." about Christ there are 1 of 4 things that will happen:

Option A: They don't understand it and reject it. 

Option B: They accept it enthusiastically but when hardships come, it doesn't last.

Option C: They accept it, grow in their relationship with Christ, but their focus is on this life and wealth (the jaggers!) instead of Christ and little comes of it.

Option D: They accept it, they grow in it, they share it, and many hear of Christ because of them.

Being the wife of a pastor and a minister of the Gospel in my own right, has taught me a lot about sacrificing myself for the good of others and for the forwarding of God's kingdom. I remember one sermon in which the pastor candidly divulged that sometimes people force him to "grow in grace." What you might not realize about your pastor is that he is constantly "growing in grace" for the sake of God's kingdom. Without giving away too much about our "secret society" here, he or she smiles when someone comments about how long the sermon was, takes it to heart when overhearing a criticism of the church, and prays through the anxiety of how much "bad seed" might be growing there. He or she sacrifices time with their own family to counsel others in crisis, forgoes financial stability to preach the Gospel, and thinks constantly about the needs of others and how they might communicate God's word powerfully and effectively on a regular basis. It's safe to say most aren't in ministry for the money or accolades. What a pastor does to further God's kingdom has illuminated what I now realize is a calling for all of us, a calling to live for God's purposes and not our own and likely at the sacrifice of ourselves. 

"And He (Christ) died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for him who died for them and was raised again." (2 Corinthians 5:15) The whole of the Gospel is giving up of ourselves for Christ. In salvation, we trade our very being, who we are (sinful, marred creations) for something that is new, whole, and beautiful. We trade ourselves for Christ. In Matthew 10:38-39, Jesus tells us that we must take up our cross and follow Him, for whoever wants to find his life has to lose it. I think when you become a believer you come to a place where you realize your past life is not worth keeping anyway. You want to trade the pain, the suffering, and the evil you have found yourself steeped in for something better. 

The problem is, as is the problem with seed among thorns, is that many of us believers are not living like we are new. We continue to live like everyone else, worried about the future, trying to get ahead financially, distracted by every possible distraction, wandering without focus and without the kingdom of heaven in mind. This trading in of ourselves should not just be a one time event, but rather a regular, daily, moment by moment occurrence. Taking up our cross and losing our life is about salvation, but it is also about sanctification (that funny word that means becoming more and more like Christ.)  It requires choosing more of Christ and less of ourselves everyday. Like me, I wonder if you too get so distracted by living for yourself that you forget to make this choice? 

Your life, believer, is about Christ and furthering his kingdom not your own.

From the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, I bear a lot of burdens for myself. I think about what I want to accomplish today, how I look and what my next diet will be, my future, my career, how to make more money so I can buy that thing I want, how I can "fix" my child's behavior, my schedule, my safety, my happiness. And I make my decisions based on those things; based on myself. I confess, I even pray this way!  It's a lie we that we've bought into because Jesus clearly does not talk about this relationship with him as a cake walk that's all about you. "Take up your cross." "Lose your life." "Those who live should no longer live for themselves." Your life, believer, is about Christ and furthering his kingdom not your own.

Making the decision daily to focus on our mission in Christ will compel us to live lives bearing burdens for the sake of God's kingdom rather than for the sake of ourselves. 2 Corinthians 5 says that we ALL have been given the ministry of "reconciliation," that is, telling others the hope of how Christ died and was raised again. The hope of Christ does not stop with YOU. In salvation, you surrender who you are to God's transformation. In sanctification, you surrender your life daily that the Gospel may be proclaimed and that is the mission of Christ.

With our focus on God and sharing his hope with others, something else happens. We learn to grow in grace with one another.

I think if all believers were to live decisively with furthering the Gospel in mind, we would see more sacrificial living on behalf of others. Not more tithe or more time spent in the pew or Bible study. No, we would see as John the Baptist says, "fruit in keeping with repentance...The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same." (Luke 3) We are to live to share God's goodness with others. Share the hope of salvation AND care for physical needs. Certainly isn't the only place scripture tells us that (see: Lamentations 19:34, Isaiah 1 and 58, Micah 6:8, Matthew 5:13, 22:39, 23:7, Acts 8, just to name a few.) 

With our focus on God and sharing his hope with others, something else happens. We learn to grow in grace with one another. Our bickering and selfish motives fall to the wayside as we seek to maintain unity for the sake of God's kingdom. Isaiah 58 clearly offers caring for the poor and needy as a cure for "quarreling" (vs. 4,6-7). That same passage calls us out of religious repetition of just playing church into something greater: walking away from solely nourishing ourselves, in order that we might move into hard places to feed, clothe, shelter, and free others. And it tells us that when we do, we find deep healing, a worthwhile reputation with God's direction and protection, and his quick reply to our calls. (Go on and read it! Verse 8) Furthermore, Isaiah describes these type of people as being like a well watered garden, like an ever flowing stream! (Vs. 11) 

Oddly enough, our spiritual wholeness comes in a giving up of ourselves for Christ and others. I wonder if that is in part what Christ meant in saying "whoever wants to find his life must lose it." So let's turn our eyes outward. Out of ourselves, out of our churches, and onto Christ and others in our communities, and our world. Let's not be too busy with everything else but God's mission, because a focus on ourselves gives us the exact opposite of what we desire: a tormented life among the jaggers rather than a continually refreshed oasis. And let's live more and more like Christ who gave everything of himself for others, for us, for me. Thank you Jesus!

Not Just a Happy Birthday

"Now rid of the shackles, My victory's yours
I tore the veil for you to come close
There's no reason to stand at a distance anymore
You're not far from home"
- Steffany Frizzell Gretzinger

Today's a good reminder that none of us are ever far from home, here on earth or in eternity. God tore down the barrier between us and Hinself so that we might be close to Him, right now. A relationship with God absolutely means life with Him in Heaven after death. But He is also our peace and joy here now today. It is sometimes a fight to tap into it. No doubt sometimes we lose that fight. He stands there to pick us up and embrace us then, here on earth or in heaven. I'm jealous of my brother today, standing beside the father with others who didn't make it to this day, their birthday. Instead he is whole, unbound, with nothing between him and God Almighty. No pain, no tears, no rush, no stress. Reveling, awestruck by beauty, joyful, peaceful for all eternity. What a birthday gift!

Drinking Deep: An Awakening

Back in September, a family graciously allowed us to use their home in Colorado for a family respite. The first couple days we ooo'd and aww'd at the mountains jutting up into the sky and Kyle pawed through a hiking guide. I could see the wheels turning in his head about the third day in and that evening he announced that we would be taking a "hike." Cajoling me and his brother Derek (who I think was a harder sell), he light-heartedly described a 3 mile in and back hike to the top of the 12,000 foot Mount Buffalo, reading the description of some old cabin ruins we would pass, a boulder field and a mountain goat viewing from the top of the summit. Both myself and his brother (who I think was hesitant about his brother's adventurous schemes- he had been hiking with him his entire life after all and knew instinctively that Kyle's ambition usually overrode his practicality when it came to the outdoors) said yes. The picture he did not paint was that the "3 mile hike" was a nearly a 4,000 foot ascent over 3 miles (actually 5.5 miles out and back roughly) and that the boulder field was a 24% grade (so straight up basically.) We began to tease Kyle, who was bounding up this boulder field. We nicknamed him "Billie Goat Bartholic". Along the way, I also cried once or twice out of sheer terror (I'm not usually afraid of heights, but when you're climbing on a crumbling rock wall with NO HARNESS OR EQUIPMENT, it's enough to shake the bravest of us, ok?)  We were huffing and puffing so hard, we missed the cabin ruins entirely and I totally forgot to look for the darn mountain goats at the summit! The view was incredible though and if it weren't for the loud static of the wind whipping around me in the video I shot at the top you would think I was in a helicopter. Instead I was just standing on the tippy-top of a mountain. 

I noticed his lips were blue.

The thing about going up is that you have to go down and on that boulder field descending was just as scary if not more, especially because Kyle began to have "Deja Vu" and our once confident navigator began to stop frequently to get his bearings on our route. Safely at the tree line, I noticed his lips were blue. It was chilly up at the top and he was in shorts but my spidey sense told me something else was up. Thank goodness for WebMD and 3G! I quickly surmised that he had altitude sickness. The air gets thinner as you ascend to higher altitudes, meaning less oxygen to the brain (hence the blue lips and memory issues on the boulder field). I knew something was really wrong when he said he wasn't hungry after talking about a huge cheeseburger as a reward for summitting all the way up! Fatigued and woozy, I felt like Derek and I were coaxing him down the mountain. Getting to lower elevation (along with some IBProphen) was the only cure really, and it took us a little longer than it should have to come down out of the alpine forest. Thankfully at the bottom he started talking about food again and I knew he would be alright!

Two days later he wanted to ascend to Lake Chihuahua, a high alpine lake that puddled into a crystal clear, emerald pool at 12,000 feet... 

My photo, no filter!

Totally worth it as well... Could even say, heavenly. 

I used to think that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to heaven. My naive heart could not fathom some place better than earth, than being with the loves of my life, watching my children grow up and my husband and I grow old together. I certainly wouldn't trade Lake Chihuahua for streets of gold. But that's not really what makes heaven appealing is it? (And it's not not going to hell that makes it appealing either right?)

Let's remember that this is the God that bridled the oceans, who gently places the dew on each blade of grass, who sprinkled the night sky with burning balls of gas...

I'm going to go somewhere crazy here: the book of Revelation (no, not Revelations- there is no such book as my husband and I laugh about, it's just one Revelation.) In a book filled with unfathomable visions of the end of time, chapter 22 verse 3 bleeding into 4 says that, "No longer will there be a curse upon anything. For the throne of God and of the Lamb will be there, and his servants will worship Him. And they will see His face..." Heaven is incredible because God is there. And if you think that's boring let's remember that this is the God who bridled the oceans, telling them to stay put, who gently places the dew on each blade of grass, who sprinkled the night sky with burning balls of gas (some in playful sketches that tell us whether we should expect snow or a summer breeze- the original "connect the dots!"), and who cares for each birthing mother of every species. Celebrity of celebrities is way too underwhelming of a description of who God is or the power He possesses. A "quick" read through Job 38-41, a mere 129 verses briefs us on the awesomeness of God. Chapter 37 of Job says, "The Almighty is beyond our reach and exalted in power; in His Justice and great righteousness, he does not oppress." 

Add to it that God thinks constantly about us too, and loves us, can't wait to be with us, and that is someone I really want to meet! Face to face! Heaven is starting to look pretty good. (Not to mention that something tells me if God can impress us here on earth, He's got something way cooler than either pearly gates or Mount Buffalo!)

Young Oceans wrote a creatively powerful song called 'Great is our God' and the lyrics woke me up!

Lord of all nations,

We will stand at the end of our days

In your courts and declare your great ways

In spirit and truth

We long for your kingdom

Bring your thunder 

And gather the earth

All who tremble will tell of your worth

Lord our God!

I am in a new place (and no, not just in Iowa) thinking about Heaven. This is a place where I no longer long to see everything that comes of my life on this earth. A place where my deepest desire is to be with God, to see His kingdom come. It's not because I fear the world and all of it's terror, and there is much that is frightful. It's because of Him. My. Great. God! My heart of hearts! Nothing, finally, nothing compares to his presence and nothing burns greater than my desire to behold Him in all of His incredible glory. I find myself longing like one who knows their time is soon up, but that's really not the case. I've just awakened to His awesomeness and deeply crave for him to "gather" His children. 

Juxtaposed to those thoughts are a wealth of pleas that He tarry. Compassion overwhelms my soul for those who don't know of His great love for them. Do you know how He longs for you to run into His extended arms, so that He may give you abundantly a life riddled with peace and joy, a life overrun with hope, a life bursting with His presence? 

Would you describe your life as "abundant?"

In somewhat of a confusing passage in scripture about sheep and shepherds and doors, Jesus lays before His audience (his followers-the disciples) a doozy of an idea. He says, "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10) Would you describe your life as "abundant?" Abundant in joy, in love, in peace? If not, then I would invite you to come like Revelation 22:17 says, "Let anyone who is thirsty come. Let anyone who desires drink freely from the water of life." God is that water. He invites you drink deeply of Him, so that in Him you may have life and have it abundantly. 

A Testimony of God's Faithfulness

I wanted to get this entry to you two days ago... It seemed topically fitting to look back on the past year on New Year's Eve, but I have kids and I have come to the conclusion that means nothing happens exactly like you plan it and you're usually late to, well, everything. So Happy 2nd day of the New Year!

Here in Iowa, the snow seems to be coming in droves. A few months ago, we kept hearing that the Farmer's Almanac predicted 100 inches of snow this winter. Both Kyle and I were a little skeptical since the last couple of winters have been really cold but lacking snow. I think we are believers now! 

Which reminds me, you know what Christmas song I hate? "Baby it's cold outside." You know that one where the creepy guy can't take "no" for an answer and despite the shame she feels, the girl sticks around for 'a cigarette more'??? 

Yeah, that one. (Sorry for the judgmental tone- the song just seems super seedy to me!)

I'm pretty sure there are a billion versions of it (even one featuring Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog I think) and it's played incessantly at the mall (drives me nuts!) It's no wonder it's the song that comes to mind as I watch the snow fall outside ('Cause it's burned into my brain!) and think about how comforting it is to be inside, protected and warm. 

We rest in God's embrace while life happens. 

Ironically enough, that's also how I feel about the year as I look back on it. Not that it drives me nuts, but rather that feeling of comfort as we rest in God's embrace while life happens. 

Looking back, I can see God's faithfulness evident in our family, and in ministry. What do I mean by that exactly? His faithfulness? 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 describes how when we become believers God begins to work on us, changing who we are into His likeness. For example, God loves perfectly. As he changes us we begin to love others better more and more. Of course there is so much more to it than that. But the whole process is so mysterious and more complicated than I can pen! For who can know the mind of God and how He works exactly, right? (Romans 11:34 if you're interested.) What we do know about God is that He is committed to keeping the promise that He will complete us into the beautifully whole people He intended before painful sin marred us. He is faithful. 

And while this work is in progress we can see evidence of it happening in the good things in our lives (and sometimes, in the bad.) The Omaha Doorly Zoo in Nebraska (it's become an old stomping ground for us now) is doing a massive overhaul to create this incredible African Safari that is due for completion in summer 2016. When they first announced it two years ago when we were new to that zoo, it seemed like it would be forever before it was done! Then we started seeing evidence that stuff was happening- they closed off part of the zoo,  animals were moved, a building went up here or there, a train tour took us inside the new enclosures still under construction, the Giraffe enclosure was finished... It really looks like the zoo update will be complete this summer. God has promised that He will complete the good work He has begun and in the meantime, in ministry, Kyle and I try to keep our eyes open and hearts tuned in to the evidences of His faithfulness to do just that, not just in ourselves but also in others. 

We feel like we have seen God's faithfulness in one of the quieter season's of youth ministry this year-the summer. It was a blessing to have our first intern join Kyle in teaching and helping lead. The mentorship aspect of having an intern for him was also a joy, as they worked through the details of lesson preparation and ministry troubleshooting. We both really enjoy training others who are coming up in ministry and mentoring others in general.

For that reason, in the fall of 2014, when an opportunity to lead a Bible Study series that our pastor created based on his sermon series arose, we jumped at the chance to create a group for young adults and young married couples. Well, something about the details of who the group was for got eschewed on the announcement (nothing's an accident in God's plans though!) and we didn't end up with young couples at all. However, God definitely had in mind who he wanted in this group and three young women, who did not go to our church and did not know each other showed up. All three were teachers from two different schools. Then, somehow two other young women (also teachers, and from two more different schools) starting coming shortly after. There are small connecting threads in the story behind it all that these ladies have told me, but those threads are so God-ordained I have a hard time re-telling them in their proper order. Essentially, it blows my mind how this group somehow ended up at my house every other week to read God's word and pray for each other! Only God.

Now a year and a half later, we still meet and these women (who, having newly relocated themselves for their jobs, had no friends in the area) are all besties. We have done four Bible studies together, gone to a hockey game, eaten octopus, cried a lot (not because of the octopus!), prayed a lot (maybe because of the octopus!), and they have given me the opportunity to not only pour myself into their lives but also to cook for them twice a month! And I LOVE IT!! This has been God's faithfulness in my life because I am learning that though teenagers are not my forté, I love ministering to young adults. And though I might just be getting in the loop on that, God has a known it all along. 

Watching students grow in their love for others because of their love for God is definitely evidence that God is at work in their lives!

Meanwhile Kyle took a group of students on a trip to Kansas City to participate in the EFCA's Bridging Urban Mission Partnerships (BUMP). BUMP trips allow students to minister alongside other EFCA churches in Urban contexts, allowing them to cross cultural and socioeconomic boundaries without leaving the States. Kyle said he saw God's faithfulness in the student's response to this challenge. As they grew in understanding of the difficulties many face right in their back yard they responded in gentleness and kindness to the children and others they spent time with daily. Watching students grow in their love for others because of their love for God is definitely evidence that God is at work in their lives!

Finally, I have been humbled and honored by God's work in my life this year. Still adjusting to the life of a stay-at-home mom and all that that means, I, admittedly, struggled with purposefulness. Pouring your life into your children is no small task and it is wrought with meaningfulness- a labor that I believe is just as (if not more) worthwhile than any ministry position! And while God worked on my heart this year to realize that, it still ached for something more/different/else (not sure of the word exactly, but it ached for it.) I read in Lysa Terkherst's book, "Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl" the following quote and it resounded so deeply with how I was feeling early this year,

"Do you feel a tug at your heart to live completely with God, but still uncertain about pursuing it? Why not ask God to reveal Himself to you in the coming days and confirm what He has for you? The adventure that follows just might blow you away."

My prayer that night was that God would direct my life and that I would be faithful to follow His leading. Weeks later, I had the opportunity to answer some questions on the topic of justice that would be used in a magazine called the EFCA Today. After answering the questions, the editor asked me if I would write a full article for the mag. So I did. And then I got to write another one. And then because of the first article I wrote, I got a call for another writing opportunity. And it was incredibly fulfilling to get to write! But what was even more incredible was that God took something that I have loved to do my whole life (and just left sitting like an old book on the shelf), and open the doors to use it. Now I feel like I am on this journey, like I know at least a piece of the direction I want to go in and that is evidence of God's faithfulness to complete the work He has started in me.

This coming year, we are going to try again for a young marrieds group (because we know there are some incredible couples/families in our church and community that we are dying to get to know!), I am going to pursue the writing thing and keep loving my sweet kiddos (and maybe plan a mission trip or two!) and Kyle has lots of God given opportunities too. He is helping with the EFCA Central District's 'Impact' conference, Winter Blast, and taking students to Challenge, another EFCA student conference. That being said, I don't know exactly what is in store for 2016. 

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps." (Proverbs 16:9) 

This past year has obviously been full of unexpected twists and turns. But through it all and through the coming months, God was and is and we can expect that He will be faithful, no matter what. May we focus our eyes on the evidences of that faithfulness as we march on into 2016. 

Suffering Through Christmas: Redemption In Our Midst

With 26 days left until Christmas, we were on our way home from our Thanksgiving celebration with friends. We've been traveling a lot recently and so I've gotten into the habit of using my return travel time to think through what needed to be done in the space between when we stepped into the door of our house to the time we would walk back out of it for our next adventure. It really feels like we have been in and out of town since June, with our trip to Haiti, an impromptu visit to Pennsylvania, Colorado for vacation, Pennsylvania again to drop off the kids before heading to a conference in Florida, and most recently Thanksgiving in Illinois. The last two trips were just a week apart. And if that seems intense, the last adventure would be the pinnacle of all the others because this was CHRISTMAS. The very word has a way of electrifying the excitable minds of children and striking fear in the hearts of adults. I love Christmas, but as I made my list of "to-do's" all the fun I had planned began to stress me out!

I had to finish Christmas shopping, wrap all the presents (and organize them in such a way that they would fit in our little car with everything else we would need for a 10 day trip), bake cookies, prepare for a Christmas party, all on top of all the normal life things of laundry, preschool, meal preparation, cleaning and maybe working out (I better be working out with all those cookies, right???) 

The funny thing about all this is that you get to Christmas, take a deep breath, and think you can finally relax right? But everyone else has gone through the same frenzy and so every immediate and extended stressed-out family member you have comes out of the woodwork to enjoy a "peaceful and joyful" Christmas together and kaboom! Someone says something awkward 'cause their tired and down on their game and you can kiss those visions of sugarplum fairies in your head goodbye! 

But at least there's all those presents you put careful thought into for each niece, nephew, son, daughter, etc. and wrapped while imagining them gleefully open and become completely enthralled with because they love the gift so much (but not so much that they forget to run over to you grateful and give you the biggest hug because you're the best aunt/uncle/ mother/father EVER.) In reality, you try to play it cool when the area around the tree explodes in wrapping paper with children tearing apart their presents with no knowledge of who got them what and that beautiful scarf you hand crocheted gets tossed behind the couch never to be handled again. That is, until you sneak it into the child's black garbage bag of toys to go home, hoping it makes it back out.(They'll enjoy it later I'm sure...)

Ah yes, Christmas. 

But Christmas, for so many, is not even this sweet. For those who will miss the presence of a loved one because the Lord called them home that year, it's painful. For some the year has been brutal, and they have suffered more than their share of life's beatings. And still others arrive weary at Christmas carrying sorrow and concern as they watch the global community struggle. Christmas in these situations does not bring hope and joy but heaps salt into wounds you would rather forget. (It's like being around that perky friend when you're grouchy!) 

Suffering is nothing new to Jesus. I was reminded this year about the circumstances under which Christ the Lord God almighty was born. The book of Matthew in the Bible recounts the story. Chapter 1:18-19 says,

"This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly."

Ok. Hold up one minute. Can you imagine if this was the story of your birth?? Your Auntie tells you like it is, "Your mom and dad just finished saying their vows and it came out that your mom was pregnant with you, but they had never, you know, and your dad was about to divorce her." It sounds like a good juicy bit of gossip more than the story of the gospel, right?

We know though that Mary was not unfaithful but that she conceived Jesus through the Holy Spirit. It was a, miracle. But to the rest of the world, this baby's life was having a rocky start. Joseph did not divorce her after all, as an angel let him in on the secret about what was really going on: Mary would give birth to the Savior of the world. I imagine their marriage was a little stressful with this kind of start. A few months later, life would throw them another curve ball. The government decided it would be "fun" to count everyone in the entire Roman world...*insert eye roll here.

So Joseph and pregnant Mary (who I'm sure was not stoked about a roadtrip) packed up their cooler and headed to Bethlehem. I know things were different then in transportation, cultural mindsets, etc. But not much changes about the misery of pregnancy. I feel for her here. You know she's hanging on to God's grace because she knows the timeline of this thing: how long it takes to get to Bethlehem and at least an approximation of how long it will be before the timer goes off on the baby she's cooking. Imagine her frustration when they get to town and there is NO ROOM IN THE INN??? I don't care how righteous she was, you know she was a little grumpy about that. Talk about a let down in expectations for this special event! I think you know what takes place next so let me skip ahead to something that was brought to my attention this year.

Suffering hurts the most when we are trying to be faithful only to find painful circumstances out of our control.

The king at that time, Herod, was all beside himself about what he heard from the Magi, who let it slip while they were having dinner that they were looking for the "King of the Jews" who had just been born. Herod, worried about being usurped by a baby boy, slyly asked the Magi to bring word about where this King was "so he could worship him too" (if killing is worship, I guess.) Well, the Magi didn't do that and Herod, in a maniacal terror "gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under" (Matthew 2:16). An angel warned Joseph in the middle of night to run, basically. And that's what they did. Stealing away in the night to safety they fled to Egypt, refugees from a land soon to be covered in the blood of children and the tears of their mothers (at least that's what it says in Matthew 2:13-18).

Suffering hurts the most when we are trying to be faithful only to find painful circumstances out of our control. That's what I see in the birth of Jesus. Poor Joseph and Mary and all those parents who lost their babies that night...How could they know that their suffering was a part of plan greater than any in the entire world? That their suffering would bring about their very redemption? A favorite Christmas song of mine says when Jesus was born, "The world didn't know that redemption was so sweet and so strong."

Did it ever occur to you at Christmas that Jesus was born to suffer? That his life would ultimately culminate in suffering and death for our salvation, for our hope? 

Paul the Apostle said that he wants to "know Him (Jesus) and the power of His resurrection AND the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings" (Phillipians 3:10). What does it mean to fellowship with Christ in His sufferings and why would you WANT to?? Surely, we want to experience resurrection, renewal, refreshment in our lives, but suffering? Nobody asks for that. Reading the previous lines before this verse would show that this believer is only interested in knowing Christ and that any other gain he has (financial stability, superb education, a lovely family, a comfortable and safe life, a perfect Christmas....) is garbage compared to the "surpassing greatness of knowing Christ." He would in fact give all of that up to have a relationship with the living God! (curious...) 

And he is totally OK with sharing in Christ's suffering (which if I can remind you, was brutal- thorns driven into his scalp, his body ripped to shreds by a whip embellished with rocks and glass, made to carry his own cross, only to be hung on it by his hands and feet.) Why would you want to know that kind of suffering?

We don't rejoice in suffering because it's fun and it should not be some act of disingenuous happiness in the midst of our pain. Rather it is the hope that quietly sneaks into our hearts as we lay weeping at Christ's feet, knowing that good is coming through it.

Because suffering draws us closer to the Lord, in whom our hope grows. Because suffering produces perserverance, and perserverance produces character, and character produces hope. And hope as Romans 5 says "does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured out into our hearts..." 

Our suffering is purposeful not for changing this life, but because it draws us closer to Christ, a relationship worth all the cookies. This year I knew loss. Tearfully, painfully, I can say I know Christ more because of it. Look back on this year. What suffering was heaped upon your life? What suffering did you witness? Did you push God away, "dealing" with it on your own, justifying it by your own reasoning? Or did you allow suffering to move you into a closer huddle with the living God?

We don't rejoice in suffering because it's fun and it should not be some act of disingenuous happiness in the midst of our pain. Rather it is the hope that quietly sneaks into our hearts as we lay weeping at Christ's feet, knowing that good is coming through it- a stronger walk with Christ that culminates in life in eternity with Him- resurrection from the dead, that we rejoice greatly over!

Jesus is our hope who illuminates what probably feels like a very dark life sometimes and that light guides us to peace.

The story of Christmas is about suffering and redemption just as much as Easter is. In his death and in our sufferings there is hope in the resurrection, a conquering. A man whose wife, much older, was having her first baby around the time of the birth of Jesus (you might recall, her name was Elizabeth?) wrote a song that said, "because of the tender mercy of our God" we would know the forgiveness of our sins through Jesus and he would be the rising sun "to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace." (Luke 1:76-79)

Jesus is our hope who illuminates what probably feels like a very dark life sometimes and that light guides us to peace. If you are limping into Christmas this year, wondering where God was at in all the suffering you felt or witnessed, remember that there is redemption in the midst. God came into our hurting world, and felt the kind of suffering you are feeling, you can rest assured you are in the company of God himself. But also because God did so we have hope in an eternal resurrection where there will be no pain, and no loss, because we will forever be with the one who gave up everything to know us. I'm praying as I write this that you will experience his peace in the midst of your struggle, and that this Christmas will come to you, not just as something to get through, but something to rejoice in. Your Savior has not only been born, but holds his arms out to embrace you as you weep. 

Merry Christmas to you!

Thanksvember

"It's November, what are you thankful for?" My family has been asking that question and writing the answer on a piece of paper on the fridge (I know I could make a tree of thanks or some other awesome Pinterest find, but it's busy in our house and we just have to get to the point on this lesson!) I also try around this time to post on Facebook each day what I am thankful for. I don't think I have finished one whole November yet, but I am really trying this year! Some might think this is cheesy. Some may think 'trying' to be thankful is too forced. 

But I am of the belief that though sometimes being thankful is a joyful outpouring of your heart, more often it needs to be a discipline. 

Recently, I heard of a prominent young pastor who was diagnosed with cancer. He tells the story about how, after giving his 6 month old baby a bottle on Thanksgiving morning, he had a grand mal seizure. Brain scans showed a malignant mass that would give him only 2 to 3 years to live. 

It broke me. 

Maybe in light of recent events in my life the idea of how fragile life is has become so very real. In hearing his story I thought of my little family, of Kyle...what it would be like if he or I... I thought, "my oldest daughter is 3"...

I have never wanted to sweep my babies up in my arms so fast. You know, as a parent in a very busy season of life, battling tantrums and sticky fingers, you walk around in a fog. I think sometimes we need a wake up call that reminds us how precious the time is. This did it, and there was an outpouring of thankfulness coming from my heart. I was thankful my husband was healthy. I was thankful I was healthy. I realized our lives are not guaranteed. And if I was given 2-3 years, how I would long to go the same park over and AGAIN, to get up at the crack of dawn with my girls, to not worry about the mess that was forming in my house if it meant I was playing doctor again with my preschooler. The sentiment isn't new I suppose, but this was a moment when thankfulness wasn't difficult. It came out of me like the flood of tears that accompanied it. 

Those moments are refreshing, even beautiful. They are like those moments in training for a half marathon when running feels effortless, like you could go on forever. But, as in running long distances, those moments wear off, QUICKLY. Your legs get tired, you're running into the wind, and the small but looong Iowan hills mock you. Just like life. So when the effortless thankfulness wears off, then is the time for discipline, for practicing the art of thankfulness even when you don't want to. 

I have been stuck on a part of the Bible in Philippians since the summer. It says:

"Rejoice! Again I say rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God and the peace of God, which surpasses understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus our Lord. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy---think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me---put it into practice. And the peace of God will be with you." (You can find this Philippians chapter 4)

"When I run out of joy, and motivation, turning to my un-joyful, unmotivated self is not going to produce those things. You simply cannot look for resources where there are none." 

At this point in life I am not out of the circus of toddlers and preschoolers, but I am trying to remind myself that all the crazy is normal, that I love my children even when it feels like I want to run from them, and above all, that it really doesn't last forever, even though sometimes it sure as heck feels like it will. I tell myself the same thing I do when I am running 7, 8, 13 mile long runs, "You can do this woman!"

But, giving myself pep talks often fails me in life's roughest moments. Why? There is no substance. It's just me, powerless me, trying to pick myself up. When a lawnmower runs out of gas, it doesn't turn to itself to refuel. It needs an outside source to give it more fuel. When I run out of joy, and motivation, turning to my un-joyful, unmotivated self is not going to produce those things. You simply cannot look for resources where there are none. 

So I have decided to put away the ridiculousness of trying to build up my broken self with my broken self and instead to look to the ONLY one that can heal, rebuild, and refuel us, (and the only One who can do it beyond measure by the way.)

"As we mold our lives into one's of practiced thanks, and raising our hands to God for help, those lives also begin to be characterized by peace because the Lord pours it into us abundantly and we no longer need to strive to fill ourselves."

That is what I read in the book of Philippians. That, when life gets tough, asking God for help, with an attitude of gratefulness, brings peace into our lives. The part of that scripture that floors me is when the author says, 'put it into practice.' Being thankful to God does not come naturally. It has to be practiced. It's a discipline, an art. This relieves me because now I know when things go wrong, and I'm not all like, "Hallelujah! Praise Jesus I locked my keys in the car with my children! (or insert something more serious here)" I rest knowing it's normal not to have that reaction. But then there is also the greater responsibility of learning to choose to be thankful, to hone the discipline of gratefulness. 

That's what floors me. What fills me is that as we mold our lives into one's of practiced thanks, and raising our hands to God for help, those lives also begin to be characterized by peace because the Lord pours it into us abundantly and we no longer need to strive to fill ourselves. 

*Special thanks to Kerry Doyal for the title of this article!