"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 5:3
Our son.
He is, just, wow.
With our first child, I thought I'd lose the special thing I had going with my husband. With our second child, I seriously wondered if I could love two as much as I loved our first. And with the third I worried how he might ruin the good thing we've got going because I would be spread so thin. Well, I was wrong. Every time. Honestly I never knew this much love for another person could fill me and I'm dumbfounded by how I love each member of my family more because we are five instead of four now.
It is appropriate that he came in the spring. (The boy is going to have to have a sense of humor being born on April fools day.) It has been raining here for what feels like forever. But I can't complain too much because all I can think of as it pours is that what was dead through the fall and winter is at last about to come to life in greens, yellows, and purples. And alas as I stepped out of the hospital for the first time in 4 days last week, the grass was already more lush than I'd last seen it (my window overlooked a roof so...) We know that the seasons (at least the ones we experience in Iowa) are a beautiful picture that just as plants die so they can come to life, we also must at times experience suffering so that we may have abundant life in our relationship with Christ, in our character and in our relationships with others.
A Closer Walk With Christ
My gift from God today was a fussy baby. Every diaper change, every nursing, every blood draw would incite hysteria and a long battle to sooth him back to a calm state. In one such moment, like many others I felt desperate, helpless to know how to calm this little one in my care. I'll try some music, I thought. As Loud Harp began to play, my heart began to pray...
"Surely you are good and my heart ran away. Surely you are good and I was swept away." Oh Lord, my heart ran away from you this week. I have tried to control. I have yelled at you in anger. And I have sobbed, frustrated that you would continue to press me with trials.
"But you brought me back into this place. You gave me water, you gave me drink. My flesh, my heart may fail, who will revive but you? You have been my strength, my refuge, who will revive but you?" Ugh, but you are good. There is so much good (my face touches Pierce's in a sweet soft snuggle) in the midst of everything we have gone through.
"The nearness of you is my only good." God thank you for this trial for here is where I've drawn close to you in a way I could have never gotten through happy Bible studies and blissful prayer times. Thank you for my suffering, because closeness with you is the only good I have and that may mean I have to suffer in some ways too.
"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, become like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."(Phillippians 3:10) When we suffer we get a taste of what Jesus endured, but like Hebrews says, we have not suffered to the point of death like he has (although some of us might) so we ought to take heart and not give up. (Hebrews 3:10) Be encouraged that whatever you are going through, big or small, these trials bring you closer to your Savior, the goal for which we strive to attain.
In those few moments as the song and my prayer ended, I realized the music had lulled my little one to sleep and my heart was drawn ever closer to my Great One.
A Development of Character
We've discovered that this is actually a pattern for Pierce, music lulls him to sleep (and being talked to- I think he gets that from his father.) Of course this would be the case. He's been listening to chatter and singing for nine months because my girls do both nonstop, often at the same time, singing two different songs! When they aren't singing Mama turns the music up while cooking dinner, getting ready in the morning and in the car. One of Adelaide's favorite songs is "We are Brave" by Shawn McDonald. She and Mercy both call it, "Going through the fire." The first few lyrics? "We might bend or even break, the journey's long, but we will celebrate, when we get through the valley... When we go through the fire...it will be ok...we won't back down, 'cause we are brave!" They both know the words. I hope they stick with them, because life is full of fiery trials that require bravery.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance. Let perserverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) Moving, sickness, pregnant, financial hardship, even more pregnant, delivering a baby, a 10 day hospital stay with a sick baby...What's your story? What are you facing? I don't know about you, but considering some of things we go through as "pure joy" strikes me as impossible. But, it is through fire that gold is purified.
Through the facing of trials, God melds us into something beautiful, someone who is braver and more whole. I don't suppose we will always like the process. Gold is refined at nearly 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit. If we could equivilate that to the trials we face, what would that look like? Some of you have felt fiery trials that hot!
But if we can endure and not fight the process by being joyful at the prospect of it, it produces perserverance and perserverance creates character. Maybe courage? Maybe endurance? Maybe a gentler spirit? When we realize we've got the stuff to get through it (stuff God produces in us if we let Him) we have the attitude of hope. There is something good at the end of all this, I just know it!
I hear my girls singing:
"When we go through the fire...we won't back down, 'cause we are brave!"
A Witness
As humans, we all share the common bond of suffering but for believers our response should not be so common. Being a witness of Christ in times of suffering is where the rubber meets the road in our faith.
The hospital is not always a hospitable environment. We had wonderful nurses and doctors who cared deeply about the health of dear Pierce. But a 10 day stay meant we saw and interacted with nearly 50 or more medical staff, ranging from students to doctors to management. It can be utterly confusing and frustrating to be passed among that many people in such a vulnerable state. There's different personalities, good and bad, and if one of them is having a bad day (understandable with their workloads and the variety of patients they have!) or you are having a bad day (I definitely cried miserably in front of a couple of them) it is a simmering pot for hurt feelings, frustration, and stress. I have a greater appreciation for those with chronically ill hospital bound children or are themselves struggling in hospitals with long term sickness.
After a day or two of being a total grouch, I came to realize that there is a huge opportunity in this situation to be a witness of Christ's love to others. I had to get my attitude straight first. As I sat angrily looking out the hospital window (overlooking the roof) knowing my feelings were out of line, it was time to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) I returned to the "formula" I have been practicing for the last nine months: rejoice, thank, pray (Philippians 4:4). And things started to change.
When our attitude is love and gratitude in the midst of trials it transforms those around you. People soften, and you become a safe zone for them to love without fear of hurt, and as a result you shine like a light in the darkness. Was I always joyful? No, but instead of anger, I mostly felt sadness as my emotion. I hated when my visit with family was over for the day, that we were apart. But I was kinder, not lashing out at anyone who stepped on my toes or delivered bad news. I had an opportunity or two to apologize to a nurse or doctor about my unruly emotions. I started to see those that frustrated me with compassion and tried to love instead of becoming offended. And some of those that did not seem "on my side" before came around with surprising kindness. Even my husband said how much he appreciated my attitude change and instead of being angry with each other, we enjoyed many sweet moments together with our baby boy this week. I think it's actually brought us closer. I can't quantify it now, but I hope my children also saw how Christ transformed mama's life this week and will serve them in their future relationship with him. The clincher for me seeing the good in submitting my heart and attitude to Christ is thinking about how many people would have been damaged had I not. Remember, we interacted with nearly 50 different medical staff, my family and anyone who was watching and praying for us as a result of social media (well over a hundred more people)! Phillippians 2:14-15 became came to life for me, "Do everything with complaining or arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining as bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people." I hope I was a bright light to one or two of those hundred plus people I know or met this week so that Christ can shine even brighter.
Pierce's name
What does it mean you ask? How did we come up with a name like Pierce? Well, God has been weaving this thread into my life since I was a teenager when I decided I wanted to name one of my future children Pierce. (It was Xavier, but I ended up with a wonderful nephew named that before I even got engaged. I think God had that little detail worked out too.) When we got serious about picking a name, I found out Pierce was the English version of Peter, meaning the rock. Pretty cool we thought. I wanted our son to have a name meaning humbly walk with God since our girls are name after Micah 6:8 though: act justly (Adelaide Justice), love mercy (I think you get that one!) and walk humbly before your God. "The Rock" didn't seem to cut it. Last Spring when it was sunny and we were relishing in the cuteness of our first two, we decided to add another piece to this thing we've been creating. But we had no clue that before our sweet boy arrived and for a time after it, we would suffer. I kept coming back to a verse that says, 'Humble yourself under God's mighty hand and in due time, He will lift you up. Cast all your anxiety on him, for he cares for you.' Humility has become a life lesson for me this past year and required a humble walk with God. It wasn't until I heard that same scripture in church for like the thousandth time (God likes to repeat himself so you'll listen) that I realized that it was found in 1 PETER. Our sweet Pierce will forever remind us that it is in times of trials that we truly learn to walk humbly before our God, knowing in his deep love and care for us he plans to lift us up through a closer walk with Jesus, wholeness and maturity in our character and healthier God exalting relationships with others. And so concludes the lesson God started all those years ago...Maybe. 😉
No comments:
Post a Comment